Hello

My Mamaw is doing about the same. Thanks for keeping us in your thought and prayers! On Christmas eve she was moved into a nursing home/rehab place. It's nice there but she can only stay for 21 days unless she is making improvements, which hasn't happened yet. So, my RN sister is going to move down here temporarily and be her live in nurse. My dad(Mamaw's main caretaker) is stressed beyond his limits and actually asked my sister for help as it is too much for him to handle.

We have a lot to do ro get my Mamaw's house in order before my sister gets here in a few days. Things are hectic, but I wanted to touch base and let you know I think of y'all everyday! And, I hope and pray everyone had a good Christmas and that 2011 brings awesome things to all you wonderful ladies, you definitely deserve it!!

If I don't talk to you before then, Happy New Year!

Twelve/Twenty-Five/Twenty Ten

!MERRY CHRISTMAS
FROM OUR FAMILY
TO YOURS!

Yes! Even two people can make up a family. ;)

Mamaw and other stuff

So I went and saw my Mamaw today. When J and I got there, none of the other family was there. I said hello and asked how she was doing and in the most pitiful voice, she replied, awful. She kept trying to reach the buttons to move the bed(or so I thought) and said something about not laying down. She wasn't talking real clearly.... I asked if she wanted me to move the bed so she could sit up a little? And she said, NO! I don't wanna LIVE!.... It broke my heart. The whole time we were there she just kept saying things about how she's ready to go and she wants to die and go see Jimmy(her husband) and her daddy. They're both in heaven already. It was so sad to see her like this. She is 86 and has lived a good life, but I'm not ready to let her go. The Dr ordered a CT and seems to think she will begin recovering but I guess I'm just bracing myself for the worst. Hopefully, I'm wrong, but after losing my brother and going through IF it's hard to imagine life with the "everything will be fine" perspective.

When I'm stressed, I bake. I just got done making homemade peppermint bark{see pic above} and now I'm off to see the wizard and make some sugar cookies and sour cream cookies. Looks like I'll be baking all night.

**Thanks for all the comments, hugs and prayers on my previous post.**

I could use some prayers please

Please pray for my Mamaw! She was admitted into the hospital last night and they are keeping her for a few days and then placing her in a nursing home on Christmas eve. Her dementia is worsening and she cannot walk or even stand on her own. All she is talking about is how she wants to go see my Papaw(in heaven) and that it's time for her to see Jesus.....tears..... I don't want to lose her and especially not at Christmas.

Thanks!

Sent from Jenn's iPhone

son of a biscuit

They blocked all the internet sites I frequent. Bah-hum-bug! It was so nice that one day it was available, but now it's all gone. :{

Gheesh!

I miss being a SAHM <== Um, obvious typo, {I wish it was that}....but I do miss being a SAHWifey.

Oh well, sucky work pays the bills. Or, trys to anyways.

Cake Balls

These things are devilishly, delicious!

1 devils chocolate cake mix
1 can milk chocolate frosting
1 slab Baker's melting chocolate

Make cake according to pkg directions and bake. In large bowl, crumble cake{while still warm} and stir in frosting. Mix well and shape into balls. Melt chocolate and dip cake balls into chocolate. Store in covered container in refrigerator until set. Enjoy!

Sent from Jenn's iPhone
http://tryingtomakeourdreamreality.blogspot.com/

dumb blonde

Whoo Hoo!! I've finally figured out a way to get on the internet whilst working. My instructer told me we couldn't get on fb, email accts, etc while in their secure network, but I knew there had to be a way, and there is!!! Just wish I had found it earlier.

So, how is everyone? Have I missed any great news from anyone?? Maybe my being MIA was a good luck charm....has anyone gotten KU yet?!? I'm hoping so!!! Hopefully everyone is KU! ;) Okay, well a girl can hope and dream and wish for her friends, right? RIGHT!

Well, as you can see this post is about nothing in particular, so I think I'll end it now before I go off rambling about more nothings.

Have a great day!

I've lost the will to

BLOG.

What has happened to me? I think of you ladies everyday and still check in on your blogs AND comment from time to time. But, for my poor blog....the will is gone. Sorry to those of you who frequent my knowledgeable insight of life happenings and constant ramblings. I am friends with quite a few of you dear ladies on my fb and so I still feel somewhat connected.... I'm sure this is just a phase and I'll be back on the saddle again, but wanted to let you know you are not forgotten. ;)

Hugs & Hearts,

Ho hum and away my mind goes

Oh stupid mother nature and your crappy mind games.....why do you insist on screwing with my mind?!
After six years of TTC one would think all this was behind me, but noooooo. For some reason you think it's still fun to get my hopes up for what always turns out to be nothing. And, to mess with me at this time of the year is just wrong. Wrong, wrong, WRONG!

Maybe I should give you some insight to my current C of torchure....As you know we have never used any form of birth control and I am silently hoping and praying for miracles to happen with every month and C that comes along. Well my last C was about two and a half weeks ago and it was pretty normal. Light flow on day 1 and 4 and medium flow on days 2 and 3. Then, the day before thanksgiving I woke up with an awful UTI. It was different than the ones I usually get, unfortunantly UTI's frequent my body, but this onewas different. It felt as though my uterus or maybe it was my bladder felt heavy but not like I had a full bladder that's why I think it was my uterus. Anyway I went to the rr and there was so much blood in my urine that for a second, I thought I had started my period. Then I remembered I just had one two weeks ago and that this must just be a doozy of a UTI. Sure enough, it was painful. I took a darvocet and was still in pain. Now I know what you're thinking and yes I should've gone to the dr or at least called but it was the day before thanksgiving and quite frankly I knew we didn't have money for the copay or Rx so I didn't call the doc. Oddly enough the UTI went away fairly quickly with no more blood and for a few days after I thought I might be getting a YI but that didn't happen either. Thank goodness! I didn't think too much about it since I frequently get UTI's, but then I started thinking of my other 'symptoms'. I normally drink a cup of coffee in the morning but then have to pee like a mad woman after only one cup?! A little odd but whatever. The biggest factor in making me think things is the amount of sleepy that I have been lately. If I even so much as sit down in the middle of the day or any part of the day for that matter and I am out like a light. I am so tired, even if I go to bed early it doesn't help. In fact the other day I took a nap from 4-5 and at seven I was ready for bed.

You add all these things together and what do you get? You get me thinking, could I be? Should I test? Could I really be? I'm gonna buy a test. Wait, no I can't do that to myself...what if I'm not? But what if I am?

*sigh*

Test or no test? .....What do you ladies think?

Sent from Jenn's iPhone
http://tryingtomakeourdreamreality.blogspot.com/

Gobble - Gobble

Happy Thanksgiving!! Hope you all have a blessed day!

Hugs & Hearts,

^J^

Sent from my iPhone

two words

WOW! Over a week since my last post. Sorry bout' that.....Just when I thought I was starting to get better from that funk I was in, my phone rang and I heard two little words that sent me reeling into a new type of agony....

Two words that I've waited my whole life to hear.

Two simple words, that I {now}wonder if I'll ever hear again.

Two words that can devastate an IF'tile.....but is taken for granted otherwise.

Two words, short and sweet.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

"Hi Mom"

Six. 8 if I'm lucky

Hola!

This is going to be a quick bullet posting.

• Work is going good, but slow. I only have 15 hours scheduled for this week with not much promise of attaining more hours. Next week is even worse, with only seven hours scheduled. Think I'm gonna have to look for something else.

• Christmas shopping is half way done! It will be a huge relief when I'm fully done. And on that Christmas note, I am so ready to put up my Christmas tree and decor. Hubs wants me to wait til' the day after Thanksgiving and since that's only two weeks away, I guess I can wait. Maybe. I just love this time of year!

• I feel like I'm getting sick. That's what I dislike about the weather changes. I always feel sick, on and off, for a couple of weeks and then it kicks in with full on vengence. Ugh!

• Oh, the title. You're probably wondering, "what the heck?!?" Well, that's "our number." We are going to stop TTC when I am thirty-six{and hubs is 38}, maybe 38{hubs 40} if I'm lucky. The way we came up with this age is, hubs said we need to make sure the kid would be graduated and out of college{if he/she wanted to go to college} and hopefully working by the time we are retiring. There ya have it....our formula for life, no more dependants after retirement. So uterus, if you're listening/taking notes, we only have 6-8 more years..now's your time to shine and make me proud!!

• I feel a hot bath calling me. I need the relaxation and mental therapy from a nice, long soaking. .....I hear our cat calling, he must need some milk. I'll try to post a photo, if I can get one{he's an outside cat and very timid}.

Ta-Ta for now......5 more crappy days until the weekend!!

~shaking my pointer finger at myself~

I have been one bad blogger lately! But truth be told, I have been in a really bad place and didn't want to corrupt all of you beautiful and wonderful ladies!

Did I tell you I had to call my RE and tell them to give my drugs to someone else? Well, I did a few weeks ago. And while it was one of the worst calls I'd ever made I thought I was doing okay, considering.

Days came and went and I felt myself becoming more and more depressed....Hubs, and I talked briefly the other day about how we don't want to be nearing our fifties when we finally get PG and I said, "At some point, we are actually going to have to pick an age that we will stop TTC, so we are not THAT couple."....Of course, we have had that talk before, but then I start to cry and hubby doesn't really want to talk about it, cause he sees how upsetting it is and we never pick "a number".

Then I did it, I tipped myself over the edge and watched the new Kathe.rine.Hei.gl.e movie....which by the way if you haven't seen it, take a box of tissues with you. It's not quite the funny haha chick flick I thought it would be, but rather an emotional, you're gonna cry type of chick flick. Anyway, the movie is really good and it is funny, but for me it was also hard to watch.

Whenever I watch movies I try to apply it to my life..."could this happen to me" sorta thing.....And yes, as a matter of fact it "could." ....J and I are god parents to seven of our nieces and nephews, but in order for us to have a child, that way, we would have to lose 2 siblings(J's sister and her husband or J's brother and his wife)....which then got me thinking, I don't want to lose anymore family and I definitely don't want J to know what it feels like to lose a sibling, nor J's mom to know how it feels to lose a child...and then I feel bad cause how selfish am I to want something so bad, if it's only going to cause so much pain for everyone else? {{{and, here come the tears}}} Wouldn't it be better if there was only 1 person in pain than say 2 complete families?!?

That's why I have been MIA lately.....I think of you ladies often and hope all of you are well. But it's been really hard for me right now and I don't want to discourage any of you. I hope this feeling goes away soon.

Hugs & Hearts, J

Stupid technology!

I love it when it's doing it's job and working properly, but when it stops working....that's when I start refering to it as stooopid. Grr! As you might have guessed, my internet is down. Which really sucks now that my job depends on me being online. I spent over a hour yesterday, on the phone with my ISP, running line tests, and doing all sorts of other troubleshooting tips, that never worked. I have now been with no internet since Sunday night. Veri.zon finally said, they will send a tech out on Wednesday to investigate the problem. Actually, I have internet, but my DSL is out and let me tell you, when your used to DSL and Wifi, nothing else will do. :( Our iPhon.es uae to pick up the Wifi and now they are so slloooowwww.

Since I can't work, I cleaned house yesterday and today I'm having lunch with my SIL{the one that was married to my brother that died}. The guy she's been seeing just got a job down here so I guess he's moving in with her. I should get all the details at lunch. Her and I have really become close, since losing my brother....I hope it doesn't get weird between us now.

As for the talk of Chicago...it continues. So much so, that we are now receiving listings from a realtor! I am so shocked that I am actually intrigued by this different lifestyle. And yes Katie, I've thought about the snow...the cold...and the WIND. I literally hate winter and I think that's what surprises me the most, that I'm looking forward to a possible move to a very cold, snowy and WINDY city!?!?

different kinda 5 year plan

I can't believe I'd ever even ponder the thought of moving away, and live somewhere so completely opposite than what I'm use to. But hey, life happens! What am I talking about, you ask? Well, lately J and I have been considering a different kinda life. We watch shows like Rul.esof.Eng.agem.ent and Fri.en.ds etc.. and think how nice it would be to live in a big city condo where everything you need is within a half mile from where you are and you never buy more than 2 days of groceries, cause that's all you can carry. Ha!

It just so happens, that J's work has locations in San Fran, Seattle{though, that's not really big-city} and Chicago. So, we've been looking online at downtown condos in Chicago and I gotta say, I think I could do it! Sure, it would be major culture shock, but maybe not. I mean, I did use to live in South Africa.

We've decided to put condo-living on our five year plan! I would miss my parents of course{never lived more than 30 mins away from them}, then again, they did say when my dad retires they would probly move....If we were to make such a move, J would be the first person in his entire fam to ever move out of state. And, his fam is huge, so that says a lot!! Yet, he's still on board. Heck, it's all he talks about. I think he would leave tomorrow, if there were a job opening!

So, whatya think? Could ya'll see this small-town, southern, country girl in a big-city, downtown condo?!? ......I think I can{{{she whispered!}}}


**This just in - Oh my, hubby just called a realtor in Chicago. We might have to bump this up to a five month plan!**

Bent, but not broken....

I may never get to touch my dreams...Know what it feels like to be pregnant or bring our baby home from the hospital. But, what I do know is that, I'm not going down without a fight! I will fight with all I have to make our dream, our reality.

Infertility may bend me but I cannot allow it to break me. I want a baby. I want to start a family, but I can't imagine a life where I trade my husband for a child. Our marriage comes first. I've always said that, and six years after TTC I still believe that's true! Infertility may define us, but it will not defeat us!

I did it!

I got on this bike with J and rode around our neighborhood…for maybe a 5 minute ride. But the point is, I got on the momo{that's what my nephew called them since he couldn't say motorcycle} and went for a ride!

I do miss riding around on one with J but it's so hard NOT to think "worst case scenario" after what happened to my brother.

We only had the bike for a couple of weeks. We were selling a Yukon and took the momo as trade instead. But we have since sold the bike.

J loves motorcycles and because I love him I am trying really hard to deal with the loss of my brother, but not let my loss control what makes us happy.… And we really did have fun cruising around on our old momo!

Now if/when we do get another, there's a good chance my mom will dis-own us, but that's a whole other post….…

Calling all blog savvy pro's & anyone else who can help

It's been requested{I won't name names{MISTY} =)} that I update my money ticker over on our IVF blog. The obstacle I'm having difficulty with is I don't know jack about adding widgets to my blog!! There, I said it, I am not as computer savvy as you may have thought. ;) The real deal is a few people have donated via check or cash{which is perfectly acceptable} however, those donations come to me and then I deposit into our bank account and they are not visable on the ticker. Only the donations made through the c.hip.in ticker show up on said ticker. I added a simple payp.al donate button and I have been looking for a money counter/tracker widget doohickie that I can manually add amounts to after receiving donations whether it be cash, check, or charge{then I could remove the c.hip.in one from my blog}.....I have not found any such thing, nor do I know if something like that even exists. I'd create my own widget doohickie, but that brings me back to square one of not knowing jack about doing that sort of thing!!!

Any help, suggestions or feedback would be

Legen

-
wait
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for
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it
-

Dary!

another loss

Our kitty died last night. I don't believe in signs, but if I did, I would say the loss of two pets in less than two weeks is NOT good. I guess he was sick from the shelter and since he was too young to get his shots, he probably caught something there.... It saddens me and I can't help but wonder, why does death keep happening around me? I told DH last night, "No wonder God won't let us get PG, we can't even keep our pets alive." But, I know that's not the reason we are not PG, I was, I still am sad about it and just had a mild outburst, I guess.

Just when we had narrowed down his name to Winston, Ajax, or Clyde.....

the usual

So it's been awhile since I've had a regular kinda post. Thanks for the many comments about my puppy. I still miss her dearly, but I'm sure I always will. Ok, new subject before I go all emotional on you......

The kitten is doing good...he had flees really bad when I brought him home, but since he's so young, I can't use the flee powder/shampoo on him. I did however give him a bath with reg shampoo and he let me trim his claws too....He's not your average kitten. Hopefully he will continue to let me clip his nails so he can be an inside/outside cat and not ruin our leather couches. He's still nameless though. I told DH he was to name him since he always gave me a hard time about naming our pup Izzy. Thanks for the suggestions, I also like the name Oliver(I think Julie said that one) but DH can't decide. I told him since he wants a Harl.ey.Davi.dso.n so bad he should name him Harley and then he can finally own a Harley....Hahaha! Don't think that's quite what DH had in mind when he said he wanted a Harley. Of course, my nephew wants us to name him McCoy, after some UT football player that has now gone pro. Such a dilema!!

Work is going better. Though it's still too early to tell if I am going to fully enjoy it. Dh was talking to his brother the other day and i could tell his brother had asked if I was starting to like it yet?{his brother's wife does the same sorta work} anyways, Dh says, "yeah she likes it." I quickly had him change his statement to, "it's too soon to tell." Hahahaha!!! I do like it, but it's still so frusterating, cause it seems we were trained for all the "easy" calls that rarely happen. And then you get a caller like I did on my first day, that makes you want to scream at them for being so stupid.....This lady calls in and says her wallet was stolen and she is afraid the thief is going to log on and open an account posing as her. I wanted to ask her what kinda moron was she?!?! Cause if i was a thief the last thing I would do with that wallet is create an online acct, for a pharmacy no less. Maybe if it was an acct for a CC, but not a pharm.....Geez, what an idiot?!?!? Anyhoo, DH has already said, I have to at least make $2000{that's what we have vested} before I can quit. I replied with, Yay, a goal to aim for! But really, I think I'll stick around. Afterall, it is kinda nice to choose my own hours and really nice to work just a couple hours a day!!

Ok, I better go get some housework done....TaTa for now! =)

The new guy

-He is by no means a replacement pet-

After J found that snake in the house we decided we were going to adopt a cat. I went and picked him up today....had no clue that they adopted them out so young...he is only 3 weeks old. I haven't come up with a name yet, so if you have any ideas be sure and leave it in the comments.

Triggs

This morning at 7:20 we hear someone knocking on our door then ringing the doorbell. It's J's day off so we were gonna sleep in. I looked out the window and saw my neighbors car in our driveway. I threw some clothes on and went and answered the door. She apologized for waking me up and then said that my dog got her head stuck in their fence and her dogs attacked my dog. Her husband went out there and my dog had lost an ear, but then ran into the woods behind their house.

I couldn't sleep knowing she was hurt so I got dressed and went looking for her. I called her but never found her or even heard her cry or anything. J got up a little later and we both went and looked in the woods for her, then we got in the truck and drove around the neighborhood looking for her. Still nothing.

When we got home I looked on our back porch just in case she came home and she was there but it was bad, so bad. She was way worse than what the neighbor had said. I don't know if she(the neighbor) didn't see her(my dog) or if she was just candy coating the situation.

I almost threw up when i saw the severity of her injury. I'll spare you the horrific details but she had clearly lost a lot of blood and was suffering, a lot. It was awful. J said we had to put her down and I lost it. He told me to go in the house while he....you know. I know it was the only option, but no one should ever have to do that to their own dog.

What's weird is we are not those kinda pet people that think of them as their kids or furbabbies or whatnot. But we loved our dog and she was such a good dog. It def feels like we lost a loved one today. ;( I keep expecting her to run around the corner when I go outside. When I cooked dinner this evening I kept looking out the back door for her. She always use to sit there and watch me. I finally had to close the blinds.... It breaks my heart to know she's gone, but we couldn't bare to watch her suffer like that.

Before you go cussing my neighbors, J said when he looked closer it didn't look like an attack. I guess we'll never really know. I just hope she's ok in doggie heaven and that she knew how much we loved her and how much she's missed.

R.I.P. Izzy girl....

Sent from Jenn's iPhone
http://tryingtomakeourdreamreality.blogspot.com/

~Mucho Gracias~

Thank you Sherry for this award!! Though I must say, I feel pretty bad about accepting this after being MIA most of last month. But mucho thanks for giving it to me anyways!

El rules....

•thank and link back to the person nice enough to give you the award

•share seven things about yourself

•pass the award along to seven other bloggers who you think are fabulous

•contact the bloggers you chose and let them know about the award


Seven things about me:

1.) I'm about to make veggie pizza for the first time ever....It's my aunt's recipe and it's oh so tasty!
2.) hubs bought me a new computer w/a wide screen monitor and it's fantabulous!!
3.) my new ultimate-relaxation therapy is this
4.) I am over-whelmed with my new job but I think{hope} it will be good, once I get the hang of things
5.) I have a sugar addiction
6.) I have the best group of online friends a girl can have
7.) I want to be a mom{I know you already know that about me, but I can't think of anything else. and I really really want to be a mom. ;)}

And last, but certainly not least, my nominations are for: anyone reading this post{I swore I wasn't going to cop out, but I'm sure by now everyone has been nom'd. so if you haven't already been nom'd than you are now, by me!}

another quickie

Hello!

It feels like forever since I last blogged. I am doing good just trying to get in the swing of this new work schedule. So far today, I have worked 3 half-hour shifts....a whopping hour and a half all spread out through out the morning. I have to work again tonight from 7pm - 7:30pm. I'm hoping next weeks hours are a little more together so I can have a life outside of work.

I want to say a HUGE THANKS to E and the other ladies in the "Pound down Challenge"!!!! You have really blessed my heart with your generousity towards our IVF fund. When I told J about it he said, "that was very sweet of you." I can't thank you enough E!!!! ;) Thanks so very much!!

There is no way I am going to be able to catch up on everyone for the last few weeks, so please leave me a comment and let me know what's new. Did I miss anything?? Please, please tell me, I hate being out of the loop. I hope everyone is doing well! I'm gonna go try and relax a little before I have to cook dinner and log back in for my last shift. Talk to you ladies soon!!

{{Hearts & Hugs}}

~quick post~

I'm done, I'm done!!!! I'm really, really done!!!!!! Technically, I have another class tomorrow morning, but it is just for us newbies to schedule some hours. I "think" it's starting in the week of October 10th..... We shall see. Or rather I will see tomorrow! Such a massive relief to have that class behind me. there were several days when I thought I couldn't hack it or my teacher was going to give me the boot.....But, I prevailed and succeded!!!!

In the words of my instructor......YYYEEEEEEEEEEEE HHHHAAAAAWWWWWWW DDDAAAAWWWWWWGGGGGIIIIIIEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hellllooooo and welcome to movie phone!

Gotta prepare myself for customer service cause in four days I'll be officially done with class!!! Can I get a whoop-whoop?!?! :() I'm so ready to get to what I will be doing. Sure, I'm still stressed out. But not as bad as I was last week. And, I think a lot of what I am feeling will ease away once I get in there and start working it everyday. {Or at least I hope so!} I just hate not knowing what to expect, ya know? I'm required to work a minimum of 20 hours/week and that is ALL I plan on doing until I am completely comfortable. No way I'm gonna take on more than the minimum and overload myself. Uh-uh, not me!!!

I realize my 30 posts in 30 days have gone by the way side. Sorry about that. I had full intention of keeping up with it, but that just didn't happen. I'm too darn busy. Even my weekends are full with me running around like a chicken with my head chopped off. I'm so ready for a less hectic schedule!

Even now, I'm laying in bed typing this from my phone while I should be sleeping. But, I have so many things running through my mind....I wanted to touch base{if, I even have any readers left} and let you know I am still here. I try to read some of your posts before class, just don't have time to comment on everyone's. Next week I won't have homework in the evenings so hopefully I can start frequenting the blogosphere more often!!

Well, I'm getting sleepy now. So good night!

Sent from ^J's^i Phone
http://tryingtomakeourdreamreality.blogspot.com/

My stomach's in knots

I am completely stressed out over my upcoming certification test for my new job. Apparently, they test us with 'live calls' and I am fReAkInG oUt. I am so afraid I will space out in the middle of the phone call and only be able to utter, uh, uh, um, uh..... I think you get the point. I was a nervous wreck all through class yesterday and more so each day as it gets closer and closer. Everytime I think about it my palms start sweating{this has never happened to me before} and I have this tightness in my chest. Last night after class, after homework, I was a complete and utter mess. I started baking to try and calm my nerves, we now have banana bread, cake{from scratch}, and if I think about it much longer, I'll be in there making cookies.....My kitchen looks like a bomb went off in it, total chaos. This madness has got to end! I'm sure it will be okay and in the end I'll wonder why I stressed so much to begin with. BUT, I'm not at the end yet{one more week} and the fear of the unknown is going to exhaust me.

~in through the nose~

~out through the mouth~


~in through the nose~

~out through the mouth~


~in through the nose~

~out through the mouth~

Nope, didn't work. Still stressed out! Off to the kitchen I go for more baking....

Seeing 3dp5dt only makes me want to be back there again

That abbreviation was a recent title on Robin's blog.......Yep, I remember that abbreviation! And seeing it only makes me wish I was right back in IVF land! Even with all the hot flashes, mood swings and shots. It still felt as though we were "doing" something toward getting PG. I know we are saving up for IVF and so we technically are doing something, but it's not the same. I want to do IVF again NOW. It's been over two years since we tried and it's becoming more and more like a distant memory of something I may have done once or maybe I dreamed up the whole thing. I hate waiting, and yet, that is all I ever seem to do anymore. Wait for more money, wait for a job, wait to be PG. I'm done waiting. But wait{no pun intended}, I cannot move forward until I have more money for said IVF, so wait is all I can do. The story of my life. *sigh*

We have received $1200 in donations for our IVF blog and are so extremely thankful to all who have given to us!! I hope the amount continues to multiply! Hopefully, I can start working soon and add to it on a regular basis. I have come to the realization that we will not be able to do IVF this year{like I was hoping for}. My RE got the pharmacy to donate the Foll.ist.im for me{to help cut costs}. However, the meds expire in January. His nurse told me to let them know if I wasn't going to use them so they could give it to someone else. Since an IVF C takes roughly two months to complete and I only have $1200 I'm guessing I need to call my RE in the next couple of weeks and hand over my meds. I'm happy to help someone else in need, but I can't help but think, "there goes my chance for my baby(ies)." It had become apparent a few months ago that we wouldn't be able to afford to do it, but I was still holding on to that glimmer of hope.

30 posts in 30 days: day 22-24

day 22 - a website
everyone IRL wants to know about my new work-from-home endeavour, so here ya go, in case you were interested as well. {It seems this is the only site I'm ever on anymore. Sorry I couldn't be more creative.}

day 23 - a you.tube video

day 24 - where I live
in TEXAS!!! Born and raised, except for those 13 years I lived in South Africa ;)

30 posts in 30 days: day 21

day 21 - a recipe

~Sour Cream Cookies~
I know that title doesn't scream delishousness, but they are so good!! I really don't know if that is the actual name for them, but it's what I call them. Yum-O!!
1 cup Shortening{part butter or marg}
2 cups Sugar
2 Eggs
2 tsp Vanilla
5 1/3 cups Flour
2 tsp Baking Powder
1 tsp Baking Soda
1 tsp Salt
1/2 tsp Nutmeg
1 cup Sour Cream

Preheat oven to 425 degrees. Mix together first four ingredients. In seperate bowl, mix dry ingrediants, blend thoroughly. Add to sugar mixture alternating with sour cream. Divide dough in half. Roll out to 1/4" thick on well-floured counter-top. Cut with 2" cutter, place on greased baking sheet and sprinkle with sugar. Bake 8-10 minutes, or until lightly browned. *makes 4-5 dozen cookies*

Keeping promises

I totally forgot that I would be in school for the month of September when I decided to do the 30 posts in 30 days. I am slacking big time, but I am determined to get it done. Here are all the things I missed last week!

day 14 - a non-fictional book
I got nothing! Oh wait, does this count?

day 15 - my dream house
I have far too many different styles of houses that I like, so my dream would be to have a cape cod type home in Maine, a lake house on a beautiful lake, a beach house in Tahiti, a home in Colorado, etc, etc. I think you see where I'm going with this. =)

day 16 - a song{or three} that makes me cry
I got this one covered...Here's a song for every genre. This first one was played with a slide show of family pics at my brother's viewing. CANNOT listen to it anymore. 2nd & 3rd were on CD's in the truck on the way to the hospital, funeral home, funeral, pretty much everywhere we went that month.

day 17 - an art piece
Hmm, not really into art....

day 18 - my wedding
Oh where do I begin? My perfect day, with the perfect man! I'd show you the video, but didn't find out until we got back from our honeymoon that the stupid guy forgot to take the lens cover of the camera, so all I have is the audio{which didn't turn out that great either}. Good thing I didn't pay him! I still try and talk the fam into doing a "redo" just so I can have it recorded, for real this time. Wonder why I can't get any takers?....Maybe cause we all look seven years older!!
I do have some pictures I will share, but that will be a post in and of itself!

And now for this week, cause who am I kidding?!?! We all know if I don't do it now another week is gonna go by with nothin'.....

day 19 - a talent of mine
I've never really thought of myself as being talented. When I was a kid and asked if I could play any instruments, I always replied with, "I can play the radio, does that count?" I guess being a scarcastic, smart-a$$ is my talent. =) I guess if I am talented at anything it would be decorating. Though, that's probably more of a hobby. However people have told me many times that I decorate well and ask if I can help them. So I guess it could be a talent.

day 20 - a hobby of mine
!!!Why, Shopping of course!!!

Funny dream

So last night while sleeping I was having this dream that my leg was pinned under something and it was stuck. I kept asking my sister to help me but she refused and just laughed at me the whole time. Anyways, I finally got my leg free and I was so mad at her for laughing and not helping me that I hit her leg out of frustration. You're probably thinking that's not funny ^J^, but it was because I sat straight up in bed and hauled off and hit DH's leg. He woke up and said, "what are you doing?" I sorta woke up when I heard him say that and said, "oh nothing, sorry." I felt really bad for hitting him. I asked him this morning if it all happened or did I dream everything and he said, "No, you really did hit me and it was pretty hard too!" Poor DH! If I keep this up, he's gonna want to go back to 3rd shift. ;)


I promise I'll get back on my 30 posts in 30 days{probly this w/end}. I'm sure you are all on the edge of your seats waiting to hear/read my lists, NOT! Hahaha =)

Playing catch-up & 30 posts in 30 days: day 11-13

Hello! Long time, no talk/type to!!!

Day 11 - a recent photo of me


Day 12 - something I am OCD about
My toenails being painted...I will NOT wear open toe shoes if they are unpainted. And it is very rare for them to go more than a couple of hours without a new paint job. Crazy, I know, but that's always been a pet peeve of mine! I just think women's toenails should always be painted!!

Day 13 - a fictional book
Ok, I apologize in advance if I get fiction/non-fiction mixed up. Certainly, there could've been an easier way to discern between the two catagories....Jus.t Br.eat.he by S.usan Wigg.s .....A great read, if I may say so myself!


Now for quick catch-up before class starts.....

School is going a bit better. I think we have our first final tonight, so I'm freaking out a tad....After 6 years hubby has landed a day shift{!Whoo-Hoo!} It's definitely exciting, but takes some getting used to. I never knew what people meant by "you get used to sleeping by yourself", but boy howdy I did! And, now I can't sleep with the tv on anymore. But I also don't have to sleep with my finger on the trigger either! You win some, you lose some!! =)

Okay, class is about to start, so here goes week two....

30 posts in 30 days: days 9 & 10

As usaual, I'm running behind. Here's the 2 days I missed.

day 9 - picture I took

This is at Miramar Beach, FL where we went on vacation this year. - I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE this photo of J with the sunset and beach!!!!


day 10 - photo of me, taken over 10 years ago

This is me on Christmas morning. YES, I have a bow on my head! I think I was almost one{can't remember if this is my 1st or 2nd Christmas}. By the way, I still have that lamb that's on the back of the hideous-looking couch. Although, it's not nearly as white as it once was!!

TAB from homework

This has got to be quick, as I have mounds of homework for tonight.{and hubby thinks that's what I am doing} :( I think I'll go with quick bullets and hopefully this weekend go into more depth about everything that's going on in my neck of the woods. So, here goes.....

Monday

• Labor day
• good day, no worries

Tuesday

• horrific day
• my husband the hero

Wednesday

• class getting better
• playing major catch-up on homework
• sayonara 3rd shift

Thursday

• get to participate in role-play, finally
• actually happy to do role-play
• loads of homework{that I need to get to}

30 posts in 30 days: day 8

day 8 - a photo that makes me sad





Did I tell you we sold our camper? No work = no money to make payments, boo. What a sad, sad day that was. The only thing that softened the blow was we turned a small profit off of it. But, still sad, we love to camp. =(

Bad bad day

No sleep last night to begin with. That's the root of prob. Then add in operator error and miles and miles of computer problems( including everything under the sun). For kicks and added stress let's throw in tornado warnings and let see, that's maybe 10% of my issues today. 12 hours and counting on the computer and no end in sight. Desktop is being remote controlled by tech support for the second hour now.

I can't even tell you how many times vie cried today....This must be what it feels like to have a nervous breakdown.

Everything is going wrong & I'm completely screwed! I just want to cry. I hate computers.

30 posts in 30 days: day 7

Day 7 - a photo that makes me happy

This is my oldest nephew all geared up and ready to start football! The story behind this photo is, he put the helmet on and smiled for the camera. Then realized{on his own, by the way} that football players don't smile and quickly changed his facial expression. What a stud!

30 posts in 30 days: day 6

Day 6 - 20 of my fave things{in no particular order}



1. D.ove milk chocolate caramels - divine!
2. high heals
3. girlie clothes
4. my iPh.one
5. both of my wedding rings
6. my big, red truck!
7. my house
8. this most delish recipe!
9. electricity
10. technology
11. my boat
12. Christmas decorations!
13. purses/wallets, but more-so purses
14. rain
15. blue skies
16. white puffy clouds
17. hot baths/showers
18. swimming pools!
19. pedicures
20. road trips!

30 posts in 30 days: day 5

day 5 - my favorite quote

It use to be:
"That which doesn't kill you, only makes you stronger."

overlapped for a short time, by:
"Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened."

but now, {thanks to Dot} it's:
"It's hard to wait around for something that you know might never happen, but it's even harder to give up when you know it's everything you've ever wanted."

Forget 'Busy Bee' it's busy me!

I hardly have any me-time and I'm not even working, yet. :( My classes start on Tuesday and I've been running around like a crazy person with her head unattached trying to get things in order. I feel like I spend all day on the computer and get nothing done. And I'm not talking about wasting the day away on Fb or Dr Go.ogl.e or anything fun{something I use to do quite often}. No, no I'm actually working, or trying to work. I have all sorts of tests to run on my computer to make sure it meets their rigorous standards, and it is just so exhausting. Part of the problem I'm sure is because the computer is, well, not part of the ancient ruins, but I'd say it's pretty darn close! Although, I don't feel like I can complain, seeing as J's sister gave it to us and in-turn saved us a few hundred buck-a-roo's by not having to buy a brand, spankin', new one when we don't have any extra cash{since, I'm not working}.

I've tried to stay current on my blog reading, but I am failing miserably in the commenting department. The only reason I've made it to day 4 of the "30 posts in 30 days" is cause I pre-typed and scheduled them a few days ago. However, now I think I'm up to the more difficult posts and I'll be falling behind at a rapid speed, especially come Tuesday. Oofta may!

Luckily, my class is only M-F{12:30-4:30pm YUCK} and this week only 4 days thanks to good ol' Labor Day! I've never been a fan a college, so I guess that's why I'm a little nervous about starting class. I am just oh so thankful it's a virtual class instead of the real deal. Otherwise, the thought of me having to introduce myself with hundreds of eyeballs staring back at me would totally freak me out. Eek! I'm somewhat of a shy person, at least until you get to know me, then, good luck on getting me to shut up! =)

30 posts in 30 days: day 4

Day 4 - my favorite book

Here it is.....








This is the book that made me start reading books{as an adult, anyway}. I always enjoyed JG movies but his books are so much better. And this one is the best!

30 posts in 30 days: day 3

Day 3 - my favorite tv show



Hmm, I am in love with

AND

CT Results

Nurse T calls today{after I called for results, typical}. She says the CT shows "density around my urethra"{whatever that is}. Dr M apparently doesn't know what it is either and wants me to see an urologist. It just so happens, that I have a urologist{from when I had frequent & severe UTI's} so I called him and scheduled an appointment for September 20th. By the time that appt rolls around I will have been having abdominal pain for 8 weeks.....Geez, I sure do love dr's, NOT!

30 posts in 30 days: day 2

Day 2 - my favorite movie

Again, just like the songs, I have too many favorites to single only one out. J and I LOOOVVE movies! At last count we had close to 200 dvd/vhs's That being said, one of me fave's is .Because.I.Said.So. It has all the great qualities of a movie, I laugh, I cry, I laugh again!! And, the song playing when the movie starts is like a theme song for my life. In case you're not familiar with the song I'm referring to it's, .Days.Like.This. by V.an.Mor.riso.n.

Oh, and another fave is .The.Family.Stone. I laugh, I cry, and I can relate to it....in my own weird little way! :p

I could go on and on, but I digress. I'm sure you have better things to do than read about my ho-hum life of watching movies! ;)

Sent from Jenn's iPhone
http://tryingtomakeourdreamreality.blogspot.com/

30 posts in 30 days: day 1

Day 1 - my favorite song

Hmm, let's see! I have far too many to only be picking one, so one of my fave's is:

She's Cou.ntry by Jas.on Al.dea.n
*I tried to add the video, but couldn't make it work. *

hello

Hey Ladies! First off I want to say thanks for all the sweet comments on my last post and to those of you who looked in on me via fb!! I had a wee bit of a self-inflicted melt down before the 5 year mark....I can't call it the anniversary, cause saying anniversary makes me think of something good, and well losing a loved one is not a good thing. Maybe I should just refer to it as a deathiversary. Anyways, Sunday I went to a WH party at my SIL's house, so that made for a good distraction and hubby knew I was a teeny bit depressed so he said, "he didn't care how much I spent." I normally have buyer's remorse when I spend too much(sometimes any) money on myself, but I decided I was going to go, try and enjoy myself and not worry about the money. That was a nice change, for once!

Yesterday, J and I went driving around looking for houses. I'm sure you're are thinking we are crazy, cause we haven't even been here a year and a half yet, but no worries, we are not moving, yet. We remembered that we like looking at houses and it just so happens that we spend quality time together(no phones/internet/tv) and it's a fairly cheap date, other than fuel of course! Plus, we hope to get in the business of flipping and this way we can be looking for one of those types of houses while we save up some moo-lah.

This morning was my CT for all this abdominal pain I've had over the last four weeks. I kinda have a feeling they're gonna tell me it's "stress & anxiety," which translated into my understanding is they can't find anything, so they don't know and or care to look anymore. I hate this answer, and usually don't go back to a Dr that says that to me. But I like this guy, so hopefully he finds something, just nothing bad. ;)

May 11, 1974 - August 29, 2005

In Loving Memory of my dear brother. It has been five years since your tragic accident that took your life. I miss you every single day. I know you are in heaven and I will see you again, one day. But right now, my heart continues to hurt. I loved you so much and it pains me that you were taken away at such a young age. I wish that we would have had a closer relationship. I wish I could've known you better. I wish....you were still here.




There is so much more that I wanted to share about him. I've been trying to write this post for a couple of months now. Everytime I think I am in a good place and can sit down and type, all the sadness washes back over me. It's still too hard. I don't know if I'll ever be able to devulge my true feelings from that awful day that ripped through my heart and changed my entire outlook on life. Instead, I think I'll leave you with some photos of him.























{*Forgive me if I don't post/comment very much this week. It's already been a very emotional month for me just knowing the anniversary is this month. It'll probly be best for everyone, if I take a few days off.*}

Prayers for a friend!

Remember this post?? Well, today on Fb I saw a status update from a mutual friend that said, she was praying for a friend who's little princess was now in heaven. I immediately thought of T from the before mentioned post. So I went searching on T's Fb page and sure enough all of her baby updates had been deleted and her profile pic was changed back to a photo of her instead of the u/s picture.

I feel really bad for her. No one should have to go through this mess. Please keep her in your thoughts and prayers, thanks!!

Tractor Quilt

While going through "would-be" baby items today, it occured to me that I never showed y'all the baby quilt J's Mamaw made for us. This is the boy one with Jo.hn.D.ee.re. tractors on it. She said, the other day, she was going to start on a girl one for me!!

Perplexed

In the last two days my lower back has started hurting in addition to
my stomach pains. Which by the way Dr M has now ordered a CT for. The
pain in my back is much like what it does right before my period only
it's a bit more intense. The perplexed part is that now every time I
go to the RR I check the tp cause I'm sure I've started, but then I
remember I just had my C on 8/14. I'm so freakin' confused!!

Sent from Jenn's iPhone
http://tryingtomakeourdreamreality.blogspot.com/

Really?? & half and half and half

Now jealous at a targ.et.com.merci.al.......CHECK!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Half and half and half
A type of coffee so diluted by sugar, cream or milk that it no longer tastes like coffee, instead like milk and sugar, and has a beige or light brown color to it. The drink is typically concocted by those who want to appear as if they are drinking coffee but despise the taste.

Anne: Carrol is such a coffee poser, she'll only fill her mug with coffee halfway before she drowns it in milk and sugar.

Jill: Yeah, i hate the taste of her half and half and half.

Monday Shmunday Update

Never heard from my Dr last week about the u/s I had on 8/16. I called over and over and could never get anything more than the answering machine{but not the kind where you can leave a message, it only tells their hours, etc} to pick up. The weekend was miserable, I'm still in pain only now it's more of a all the time pain along with the sharp/stabbing pains. Also, in certain positions that I sit in or lay down it feels like it's bruised along the lower right side of my abdomen and wrapping around to my back. The pain is not bad enough to warrant a trip to the ER, but it's enough to wake me up in the night. This has been going on for 3 weeks now and I am so tired...Tired of the pain, tired of waiting to find out what's causing it and just, plain, old, sleepy tired.

I went to his office first thing this morning to find out what's going on and to try and get my results. The receptionist had me wait{big surprise} a few minutes while she found my chart. Then she tells me, my dr was "out of clinic"{which, I think meant he saw pts, but didn't review any charts}, Wednesday-Friday of last week and should get to it today. Then points to the ginormous stack of charts that he "should" get to and says, "after he reviews your chart the nurse will get in touch with you." FANTASTIC{there really needs to be a sarcasm font}.

no such luck

Well, I didn't get the job. Oh well. I was looking for a job when I found that one....I'll keep looking or maybe just continue pursuing my at home job. They told me via a generic email. I was going to be the bigger, more professional person and reply with a sincere, thank you for the opportunity, blah, blah, blah email when I noticed at the bottom of the letter it said, "Replies to this message are undeliverable and will not reach the Staffing department. Please do not reply."

I know I did the best I could do and I am not going to beat myself up over it. It would have been nice to have a paycheck along with good benefits, but that's ok. Everything happens for a reason, right?? Gosh, I HATE that expression and now, I'm using it on myself. I can hear/feel/sense myself trying to be optimistic.....What in the world happened to me?!?

Men!

Earlier today, I tried on my new jeans(that came today from VS), put
on a cute shirt and my new peep toe heels and went and showed hubby. I
was telling him that I liked how they were long enough(I'm 5'9") for
me to wear heels with and that I really, really liked them!!! They are
a darker denim and look sorta dressy when paired with the right shoes/
accessories. Anyways, all he says is, "huh". I just looked at him. I
turned to go back in the house and he says, "what do you want me to
say?" Without even turning around, I said, "Daammnnn! My wife is
HAWT!!" To which he just chuckles. *sigh* What's a girl got to do to
get a compliment?!? Geesh!

Sent from Jenn's iPhone
http://tryingtomakeourdreamreality.blogspot.com/

Back to school

Here is a photo of my handsome nephews on their first day back in
school!! They're gonna be heartbreakers before too long. Come
November, they'll be 8 & 10.....My how time flies. Love these kiddo's
so much!!!

oh boy

I have another dr appt today......this time for a pa.p. Ugh! I HATE these appts. I don't know why, I've been poked and prodded in every imaginable way down there. I thought I would be over it by now, but I keep thinking, "There's still time, I can call and cancel." Oh, but I can't. I've already had to reschedule it 3 times. I have to go. I probably need to go, right? RIGHT?........Oofta may!!


~oofta~
oofta is the correct spelling of the word too often misspelled as uff-da or oofda(although others would disagree). It is an expression used to convey surprise, exhaustion, or a bunch of other feelings a Norwegian may have.

oofta! making all that lefsa tired me out!

uffda, uff-da, oofda, wow, yikes

**Updated @ 12:40**
Called the recruiter on that job and asked if the position had been filled. She said, the decision would be made at the end of the week. (I wanted to say{but didn't}, "Soooo, you're tellin' me there's a chance!:)

Waiting....

Well, I didn't hear anything about the job today. I've kinda braced myself for the worst(not getting it) and that way, if I do get a call tomorrow, I will be pleasantly surprised. As soon as I found out that the insurance covers IF, I thought it's too good to be true. They said, I should hear something by today, Tuesday at the latest.....I'll keep y'all posted.

I had my sono today, finally, for my stomach pains. The RN tech said, there are some cysts on my ovaries, but they are smaller than one centimeter, which supposedly means thats okay, and they're not really cysts, but more less follies. I told her I had just had my C and she said it looked alright for where I was in my C. She is going to give the sono pictures to Dr C, who's going to look at it and then send it to my Dr, Dr M. She also said, she didn't see anything ill on my appendix. I'm still having the pains, though nothing like what it was. If they try and tell me that it's stress & anxiety, I swear I'm gonna go postal. Everytime, I see a dr and they can't figure it out, that's what I hear.

finally

Aahhh! Finally, some me time. Time to play catch up.

Time to watch what I want to watch on tv. And time to read/comment on the blogs!

It was garage sale w/end......Had a good time, made a few bucks! But glad it is over.....it is way too hot to be having a garage sale in Texas.

16 Minutes

I had my second interview today. It was good, I think I did well, however it was rather short. Only 16 minutes from the time I got out of my truck til' I was back in it to leave. I should hear something by Monday. I know I did good, so I'm not gonna beat myself up over it if I don't get. I know the benefits are amazing and would love to have it, but "you can't lose something that you never had." And life will go on.

Thanks for all the good lucks & well wishes!

Short story long

This might get a bit long, so pace yourself! :)

I got up at six yesterday morning. Started getting ready and decided to leave early for my interview. I knew it would take over an hour to get there with no traffic, but since it would be during the morning rush hour I decided to leave even earlier. I got there way too early and so I sat in the parking lot waiting. And waiting. My sis called and so we were wasting time just chatting while she was on her way to work. My phone beeped that I had another call. I didn't recognize the number, but answered anyway. It was a guy from the bank saying there was a mis-communication and they had told me the wrong time. My interview was not at 9:30am, but rather 2:30pm instead. I didn't want to jinx myself with getting an attitude so I said it was no problem I was flexible. He thanked me for understanding(I can only assume others gave him a what for about it) but whatever. I decided to drive back home. Then left a few hours later to go back for real this time. I went in and there was quite a few others there as well, we all waited for a little bit and then were ushered into a back room of the bank. There were 14 of us and it was a 2.5 hour, long, group interview. Has anyone ever been to one of those? I didn't even know they did them. I kinda liked it though. I was a little nervous, but not bad, I think I did really well. Others? not so much. We all had to introduce ourselves and then give a 30 second summary of our resumes. Then tell the lady what out 2-year plan was and why we think the bank fits into the plan. She also had some random Q&A's and on-the-spot situations. She then said she was going to leave the room and when she came back, if she called your name, get your belongings and follow her. After a little bit she called 1 person out. About five minutes later, another, until 5 people had left. She then comes back and says, Congratulations, you have made it through the 1st round of interviews! Whew!! Big sigh of relief....I thought we were getting the boot! Oddly enough, there was another lady that is applying for the same location as myself. Her and I are supposed to wait for a call and then have our 2nd interview at the location we are applying for. She said, It might be Friday, Monday or Tuesday. So now I wait on my call.....


Hey? Where ya going? I'm getting to the good part, now. Stick around, just a little longer. I promise it's worth it! =) ....The whole time during the interview, I'm thinking, "I wonder if their insurance covers IVF". Ooohh, the possibilities, I shutter to think! When I made it home last night, J said he wanted to go out for dinner and a movie. He finished working on the truck and we left around eight. Ate dinner and had some time to kill before the movie started so we went into Bar.nes.and.N.obl.e and looked around. Hubby wanted to look for a yacht magazine(he's already planning our retirement) and I was just wandering around. I wanted to get that Sile.nt Sor.oity book, but didn't know what section it would be in. I turned the corner and saw the Co.ncie.ve magazine and picked it up. And that's when I saw it. This month's issue has a list of the top 50 companies to work for that offer stellar IF/Adoption benefits. And GUESS WHAT?? The place I had my interview IS ON THE LIST!!!!!!!!!!!!! The position is only part-time, BUT they offer full benefits to their part-timers as well!!! I know, I know, this is sounding too good to be true, but what do I have to lose?!?! If I don't get the position, I'll apply at the other 49 places(well, at least the ones that are around here) and hope for the best!!!! =)

See, didn't I tell you the good part was coming up?? I cannot believe how close I could be(if I get this job) to doing IVF again!!! I really, really, really, really, really hope I get this job now!!!!

Ooohhh the possibilities!

Wish Me Luck!!

I have a Wait for it....JOB INTERVIEW in the morning!! I applied over the internet weeks ago and then forgot all about it. She called me this evening and asked if I was still interested. So off I go....Wish me luck, please! I'm not really nervous which is kinda odd for me. I guess I figure, if I don't get it, then I'll continue with this at home job instead. I hope I get it though!

Sono update - My dr called today and said he scheduled it for Monday - So now we wait.

I love my girls!

Thank you so very much for your out pour of support!! I LOVE my blog girls and could not have survived yesterday's comments by myself. I was ready to close down shop, crawl into a hole and ball my eyes out....BUT, instead I sat back and watched my support group take control with an overwhelming amount of support, not only for me & DH, but for our courage to choose what is right for us, and to not back down when someone disagrees with us.

!Thank You!

!!Thank You!!

!!!Thank You!!!

Love to all - ^J^

Dr appt

I went to the dr this am about my stomach pain. He leaning towards an ovarian cyst(lucky me). Pee test came back negative for blood and pg. So it's not kidney stones and I'm not pg, yet again. He gave me a Rx for muscle relaxers and pain killers and ordered a sono to look at my ovaries and appendix. I'll let you know how the sono goes, hopefully I can get in today!

**As for my last post, I disabled the annon commenting and published the hateful comments....so ream away!!!

Need to grow tougher skin.....

I either need to grow tougher skin or delete my IVF blog. Maybe I could just change the option of "commenting annonymous." My last post seemed to have brought on a whole new level of rude and insensitiveness! Then again, they are entitled to their opinions, so I guess I need to publish it. Maybe then my sister wouldn't defend the world when I tell her about the insanitry of comments we TTC'ers encounter EVERY DAY!!!!! I dunno, I've never been known to have "thick skin," but this might be too much for my already wounded heart!

The pain in my abdomen is still intact! I know, I know, I probly should've gone to the dr already, but Friday it had subsided so I didn't think I needed to go. Now it's the weekend so I would have to go the ER. Hubby says I'm being stubborn, (which maybe I am a little) but it weird coming from him cause he normally says I'm a hypochondriac(sp?). Last night, I called my sister(she's an RN) and she said it could be my large intestine or my appendics. Well, I took some meds to, ahem, "clean me out," if you know what I mean, and guess what...the pain is still there. The main reason I haven't gone already is I don't feel like the pain is "emergency room pain." It's not really even "go to the dr pain." It's more of a nuisance than anything! So now I don't really know what to do.

Any thoughts??

Sent from my iPhone

Can't think of an interesting title

Sorry I haven't been around much. I'm in a weird place right now. Not sure I can even explain it, but I'm gonna try. Maybe it well help if I can get some of this out there. Let's see, I got that online job I've been working on. Well, kinda. I now have to do some additional training for each client I service. I am waiting on a reply to know if I qualify for a company I am trying to get in with, then if I do qualify, I start a 3 week course on 8/23 for 3 hours a night/5 days a week. Brutal, I've never been much of a school person!

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

This week I've been reflecting on our TTC journey. More specifically, the past two and a half years of our journey. I cannot believe it has been more than 2 years since we did IVF. It amazes me how fast time is flying by. I can't help but feel like I'm standing still{sometimes moving backwards} while everyone else sprints past me. Do you realize, most of you will probably be one your way to acheving your second pregnancy while I'm still trying for my first?

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Tuesday, we went to a funeral for the our old pastor. We went to that church for a couple of years after we got married. He had cancer and was initially told he only had 3-5 years to live. He fought the disease for ten years, and died a few days after his 65th birthday. He was such a great man, we are really going to miss him! .......Also, this week my dad tells me, that lately my mamaw{dad's mom} has been talking about dying. Her health has been declining over the last few years but I can't even think about that. It just breaks my heart....she is my last living grandparent. *sigh* tears *sigh*

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It's almost midnight and I am not in the least bit tired. Of course, I guess this is normal when you don't wake up until noon, which I did today! Yesterday, we woke up really early and went to bed really late, so I was more tired than usual....For the last two days I've been having a sharp, stabbing pain on the lower, right-hand side of my abdomen. I'm kinda dreading going to bed, cause last night I was really nausous when I layed down and I was totally aware of the pain all night long, enough to wake me up! This evening the pain has been more persistent. I have never experienced this before and don't know what it could be. It's not a cramping feeling and doesn't last more than a second at a time, but is enough to make me want to double over in pain. Is there anything on that side other than your appendics...and can adults even get an appendicitis?

Hi

I have so many things I want to share.....can't get into it right now. The oven timer just went off - I made some yummy stuffed potato skins. Gonna go eat them while they're still hot! I'll try to update tomorrow.

Hope everyone is good. Big congrats to Jayme on the birth of Collin!!! So happy for you girl!! =)

Talk about Hot Mess!

This weeks forecast is gonna be a scorcher!! And, the air pollution
watch is at level orange. I went to the store earlier and when I got
in my truck to leave I had sit there a minute and catch my breath. It
felt like someone was standing on my chest. Though, I have to say...I
would rather it be hot than cold, any day!

Tell me I did the right thing....

Friday night I emailed our blog link to everyone in our contacts.
Friends, family, extended fam, as well as family I never talk to, much
less email. I sent out the link 2 weeks ago when we first "went
global", but I thought I'd send it out periodically just to remind them.

Anyhoo, the next morning I get this twelve, paragraph, email from my
great aunt. {Short story on her is they tried for 12 years to get pg
and due to the lack of treatment options back then they adopted} I
should also mention that she is very meladramatic{sp?} and super
charismatic} Of course, she said something along the lines of us
looking into adoption, not really forcing it on us, but definitely
advocating it. She went on to tell me about family memories of when we
{my sister & I} stayed with her when we were little. I don't even
remember that. And how, if it's okay with us, she wants to add us as a
request to her prayer team. And then she finished up the lengthy email
with this girl she knows{who's about the same age as me} who also has
had/or is about to have IVF. And how her and her husband have been
having a tough time going through IF and she would love to introduce
them to us, "because we have so much in common, and she just knows
we'd get along and be good friends." She also tried to tell me that I
would probably want to switch to this girl's RE because he/she is so
great. Um, I don't think so!

I talked with J and this is what I replied with.....
"Hi K! Thank you for your email and concern. J and I have put much
thought into pursuing IVF and we feel that is what's right for us. I
have always wanted to experience pregnancy and we would love to have
the chance of our child having daddy's eyes and mommy's nose. We are
not against adoption by any means, and we are not saying that we would
never do it, we are just not in that place now. We have already done
IVF once and if we can raise/save enough money we hope to do it again
at the end of this year. It has been over two years since we did it
and we are more than ready to try again. We are fine with you adding
us as a prayer request either spoken or unspoken it makes no
difference to us. It's always nice to know people are praying for you
especially since this is a very trying time. It has been extremely
difficult for me to keep faith with losing my brother and going
through all of this at the same time. I'm sure your friend C is a
wonderful person and I hate that she is going through all of this. I
wouldn't wish infertility on anyone. However, we are not really
comfortable with meeting them. Though, thank you for thinking of us."

I'm now feeling bad for saying I don't want to meet this girl. I don't
know what I would do if I didn't have all of you ladies to chat with.
And what would it really hurt me if I were to just give her my number.
She might not have a support system, like I do. I dunno. J and I just
thought it was really weird of my aunt to want us to all meet up. Like
just because we both have IF we are going to become best of friends or
something. Maybe I should give her my number and go from
there....Maybe I did the right thing....Maybe I'm thinking too much
about it. *sigh*

random ramblings

Where do I begin? Let's see, a couple weeks back when I had strep I received an email from this work from home place I had applied at a few months ago. I applied two different times and each time I got as far as the voice assessment stage and then I would get disqualified. As it turns out, they were having some technical glitches and they wanted me to call again and re-record my answer. The email said, I had only 72 hours to respond if I was still interested. At this time I had hardly any voice, so I waited until the last day to call in hoping my voice would be better and called. I still sounded horrible, but did not care at this point. The following day I received an email saying I had passed and I could move on to the next step{background check}. I passed that, then enrolled in their AC.P 101 class{passed again}. I'm in the process of the last step and setting up my "home office" and then I should be in business. Basically, it is customer service from the convenience of your own home. Have you ever called some place and swear your call was routed to someone in India?!? Well, depending on who my clients are, ya might get me on the line one day. Who knows! My SIL{the one w/the 5 kids} has been doing this since January and is now making $400/wk. I think she works between 30-35 hours/wk. This is not really the job I wanted{hubby wants me to do it}, but I guess it is something, since I haven't had any luck finding a job elsewhere.

I am sorry I haven't been on the blogs much lately. I have been reading all of them, just didn't have time to comment on every one's while taking that class. Nor did I have time to post anything other than a couple of songs. Geesh! It's been a busy week for me and I am still trying to figure out how it came and went so fast. I thought today was Wednesday. =) *sigh*

I want to express how grateful I am for those of you who made donations for our next IVF C. When I shared the site with y'all in the beginning{or maybe you saw it on fb} it was merely for review. I never once thought you would be my contributors. After all, most of you are in the same boat as myself with no ins coverage and crappy IF. I am so grateful and blessed to have friends like you wonderful ladies. You all have touched my heart in ways I could never express. Thank you so very much for your generosity!!

Days.Like.This

Slow day, er week in blogland....

Chin Up

That's what my inner voice keeps telling me. However, I can't help but
feel gloomy. My main goal for today was not to cry. I failed.

I really need to find a job. I've sent out a gazillion resumes but
that's not helping. Whatever happened to "apply within"?

I'm sick of being sick. First the week and a half long migraine, then
strep, now YI. What gives?? Isn't being infertile enough....apparently
not. All this being sick is not helping my mental state.

I miss my brother. *sigh*

Wowzers

I knew I would probly get some rude comments on my other blog, so I enabled the comment moderation thingy. This morning I looked and had 2 comments that need to be moderated. One was from M and the other annonymous. I published M's however the other one not so much.....Here is what they wrote{it's probly from some jackass in my family}

look into adoption.

insurance companies shouldn't pay for infertility treatments.

lots of little babies need homes right now.

I am so mad right now I am shaking. If they don't have the balls to sign their name to crap like that, then they are not getting published. I guess I need to post something about adoption next. And inform whoever, that even if we had chose adoption we would still be raising money. Idiots!
The part that really gets under my skin is them saying insurance shouldn't cover IF. Goes to show they have never been through it and I bet they would pitch a fit if their "fill in the blank" illness wasn't covered. Makes me want to have a post that reads something like this..."Thank you for the annon tip of looking into a adoption. What great insight you must have to think about that and offer it as a suggestion. How come we didn't think about that? Oh wait a minute, WE DID! YA MORONS..."

Stupid, ignorant people

Too Cute!

Last night J and I were serching for people on Fb and came across this
photo as someone's profile pic. We don't even know the person, but I
had to share it....It's just so darn cute!!!

Taxes Shmaxes

I HATE doing tax paperwork{quarterly reports}! I have already put it off long enough. I have to get my butt in gear and finish it....today!

SIPPING VODKA

I got the following in an email. I almost deleted, but thought I'd give it whirl instead. Glad I did! This is Hi.Larious!!!!

SIPPING VODKA

A new Priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the Monsignor how he had done.

The Monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip."

So next Sunday he took the Monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm.

Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following note on the door:

1) Sip the vodka, don't gulp.
2) There are 10 commandments, not 12.
3) There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4) Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5) Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
6) We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C..
7) The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the Spook.
8) David slew Goliath; he did not kick the shit out of him..
9) When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass.
10) We do not refer to the cross as the 'Big T.'
11) When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, "Take this and eat it for this is my body." He did not say, "Eat me."
12) The Virgin Mary is not called 'Mary with the Cherry'.
13) The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, Yeah God.
14) Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter's not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.