Its bettet to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all.

4 Years ago today, I was at the hospital praying my brother would make it through surgery. He had had a motorcycle accident and was already in surgery when we were notified of the accident. It was a Sunday morning and J and I were on our way to church. We were almost there when I saw my mom & dad at the red light. I knew something bad had happened cause my dad is the preacher and he would never leave unless something was wrong I told J to stop and we asked where they were going, and they said my brother had been in an accident.

It seemed like it took forever to get there. I kept telling J to speed up, I just wanted to get there already. We walked into the ER and they immediatley ushered us into a "family waiting room." I learned very quickly that I did not like those rooms, nothing good ever came from being in that room. My brother's wife was there as well as a hospital chaplain. I knew it was way worse if the chaplain was there, but we still didn't know just how bad it was . They started explaining everything and my heart sank. Not only from the news, but also from the looks on my parents faces.

My brother had suffered major head trauma as well as internal injuries. He did make it through the 6 hour surgery and also through the night, but his injuries were too severe and he was in a coma. I regret not giving him more time to come out of the coma. I regret so many things. I wish he was still alive today. I wish my parents didn't know what it was like to lose a child. I wish his wife did not have to become a widow. I wish it was all a big nightmare that I could wake up from and see him and talk to him again. I would give anything to have him aggreivate and annoy me. And he was good at that, but I just didn't know how to take it.

This weekend is the 4 year anniversary of my brother's death. I wish he was still here. I wish I could talk to him. I should've answered the phone even when I didn't know the phone number cause he had got a new number. All those conversations we could have had, if I had not have been screening my calls. I now answer the phone regardless if I know who it is or not. I know it doesn't make up for it and I know its not him calling me, but I do answer the phone now.

I try to remember the good things and how he always called me Miss Money Penny. That was his nickname for me cause I always saved my allowance. I miss my brother so much. I know he is in heaven and I know I will see him again. It's just that I miss him now. I heard this song http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g3k1rJOQPdY the day of his funeral and though it hurts my heart and makes me cry for him, it also says the words so well. more than I could ever have expressed myself.

There's so many things that I regret, but in the end, I go back to my title........

"Its Better To Have Loved And Lost,

Than To Have Never Loved At All."

~In Loving Memory of My Brother, Jared~

Please Forgive Me....

I know I"ve been a sucky blogger lately and an even worse comment poster. And, I DO plan on becoming a better blog friend. I've been incredibly busy these past few months and I am so ready for things to slow down and become normal again. So very sorry ladies, can you ever forgive me?

Quick Update

Closed on our house today!!

Moving tomorrow & Sunday!!


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AF reared her ugly self Thursday, I knew she would....ugh.
Its not too bad, but I think I'm getting new & more painful
pms symptoms - YUK!

6 more days

Til' WE MOVE!!!!!!!

We are suppose to close on THURSDAY, and then we won't be homeless no more. Yeah!! J says we are "moving" on Saturday, but I'm moving as soon as I get the keys!!I am so ready to have our own place again. AND, we are both totally stoked about our new house!!

I've been going to garage sales A LOT, and my oh my the deals I got. I furnished my guest bedroom for a whopping.....$38. I got an awesome upholstered chair for $10 bucks! Ooh, and the best deal was for my kitchen table w/6 padded chairs for $200. Well, the table came from a used furniture store, but none the less, I thought it was a good deal. Okay, enough about my shopping frenzy :o))


Update on my cycle - I am a couple days late right now. I was suppose to start Thursday or maybe it was Friday, I dunno. Last month I was a week late, so who knows how long it will be this month. I don't feel like I'm going to start anytime soon. My guess is I'll start while we are moving - oh well, I'm not gonna let it bum me out. I'm too excited about the house!

IF Vote......

I ve been mulling this over in my head for a while now. And well, I finally thought I should ask you ladies what your opinon is on the subject. First-off, I don't mean to offend anyone in any way. I am just curious to see what your thoughts are on the topic?



I don't generally tell IRL people that I've had a miscarriage, but I genuinly feel that way from our failed attempt at IVF. I mean, it was 2 fertilized eggs in me, so I believe it was a m/c. And, the nurse told me that all the bleeding is basically one. Especially since I bled heavily for a couple days, then it stopped and then I had a regular period.

I have said that to a couple IRL people, who have never had IVF, but have had a Non-IVF miscarriage, and they always tell me, that that was not a m/c and I don't know what I'm talking about. A couple people, like my mom and 1 of my IRL friends say that that's the same as a Non-IVF m/c, but I was wondering what all you ladies thought?

So, what do you think?

Hi

Quick update.....

• Nothing new on the TTC front. I call it a standstill, although most days it feels more like ssssslllllooooooooooowwww mmmmooootttttiiiiiooo00onnnnnnnn!!!!!!!!

• Still suppose to close on our house Aug, 21st. Getting excited and can't wait!!!!!! Bought a table & chairs, curtains & comforter for the guest room, & a corner shelf for anywhere...Still need to get a refrigerator, washer & dryer, bedroom set, and lots & lots of curtain rods!!!

• Mamaw gave me the baby quilt she made for me. It is so cute AND yes I cried......For those of you who missed my post on that. J's 90 year old mamaw wanted to make me a boy & a girl quilt for when I have a baby . (She said, she doesn't know if she will still be alive when we have kids and wanted us to have baby quilts from her.) *Sigh*