No eviction for me!!

*1st I want to express my gratitude for the many, many prayers! I know that is what's helping me pull through this m/c funk. So, thank-you, thank-you, thank-you!!


J's been telling me if I don't get a job, he's going to evict me. HA!! That's been the joke able threat around here lately. Well, no eviction for me.....I had a phone interview this morning for another virtual customer service position for inbound calls. Tomorrow, I have a four-hour training session and then I start working Wednesday. It's Monday through Friday, 8:30-4pm with no weekends & no holidays. the best part is it's ALL done from my home office! The pay is not too bad either{$10/hr}, considering I have no commute, so therefore no fuel costs. They say all I have to do is gather basic info from the caller, make sure they qualify for the product they're calling about and if so, transfer the call to third-party company. Let's hope it's really that easy and better than my last at-home job. :/

~Hugs & Hearts ladies ; )

Ahh, why do I feel like this?

I am gonna go ahead and say it, as bad as it sounds....I am somewhat bothered that no one is praying for me. There, I said it. How awful am I?

I am very, very glad for all the prayers for my sister. That's not what this is about. Then, yesterday we found out that my uncle died, so it's like I have been forgotten about. I come from a big family of long-time prayer warriors. I get at least one email a day from my great-aunt listing all the family member prayer requests and I can't help but think where's my name? I know it's horrible what happened with my sister's seizure and very stressfull on my parents that her doctors haven't {and may never} find out what caused her to have one. And now, my aunt asked my dad to do the funeral so along with all the family issues and it being a holiday week, it's a lot to take in and process.

I'm finding the stress of the m/c to be all so overwhelming. (It officially happened a week ago {11/15}. I keep meaning to write a post on that, but for now, it's too hard to even think about, much less write about.) All I keep thinking is I would have been 12 weeks along today. This should have been the best Thanksgiving ever, and yet, it's very much the opposite. I'm finding it very hard to be thankful for anything. And, I know that's wrong. I am very thankful my sister is doing somewhat better. But me personally? I am having a hard time. I have been so strong these past few weeks and now it's all crashing down on me and I CANNOT let it get me down. I WILL NOT become the person I was after our failed IVF.

My brother came in last night and so I am going to my mom's house today to hang out with my nephews{and help my mom cook}. Those kiddo's always, always make me feel better and so I plan on soaking up as much of them as I possibly can and have some much needed and long over due aunt/nephew time.

Prayers needed for my sister please!

My Dad just got a phone call from Golden police. She had a seizure in a grocery store. They are taking her to ER. We are waiting to hear more. EMT said she is conscious but in a neck brace and can't talk right now.

Please dear God take care of her I can't lose another sibling....

New blog title{sorta}

The other day I was talking to my sister and she said she told her bf something about looking for the light at the end of the tunnel. And he replied with, "You just need to make sure it's not the drain!" Hahahahaha, so freakin' true!!! I instantly thought of my blog name and decided that needed to be added right away!

That was rough!

I'm watching my niece & nephew today while their mom is at school and my five year old niece asks, "Do I have a trampoline outside?" I tell her no. She then asks, "What about a swing set?" Again, the answer is no. Now I'm asked, "Why I don't have either." And I simply say, because I don't have any kids. (hard swallow) So she says, "You're gonna have a kid because you have a baby in your belly. Remember?"

Apparently, her parents told her I was PG, but neglected to fill her in on the m/c. .....totally wasn't expecting that today, especially from a five year old!

I really hope that's not a prelude for tonight.... We are going to J's cousin's wedding tonight and we'll be seeing the whole family for the first time since the m/c. And by whole, I mean the 90-something family members of his family. Not sure who all knows what, but really hoping they stay focused on the wedding(for the most part) and not me. I'm not gonna lie, I wouldn't mind if someone said sorry, gave us a hug or whatever, I just don't want to hear all the "So and so had a m/c and she got PG and you will too" CRAP!

Welcome Newbies!

I noticed a couple weeks ago that I have four new followers! Please don't think you went unnoticed, I was just a bit preoccupied with great news, quickly followed by my heart-wrenching news.

Anywho, I wanted to say WELCOME ABOARD, I hope you enjoy this cRaZy ride.....I call life! And, if you have a blog, please leave your addy in the comment section{if you want} so I can follow you!

Are you fricken' kidding me?!?!

Last night I open up Fb on my phone only to see this post made by my 2nd cousin.....

"So yesterday was the day I met Chris 2 years ago and

my present/surprise to him was to find out there's

a BUN in the OVEN!! We are so excited for this new addition to our family!!!!!"

Oh, and she's been married for all of six weeks. This absolutely disgusts me!! So, the rational part of my brain is telling me, she was probably PG before and she's just now making the announcement. While the complete bitter part of my brain is wondering why IF can't be only for teenagers and couples who have only been married for six weeks. GRR!! I know, I know, if that were the case then I wouldn't have my hubs'(his mom got PG with him at age 15) or a couple of my nieces, but I'm not trying to be rational and fair here. Because nothing about this is fair! It's fricken' ridiculous!!! I so wanted to leave this comment, "Happy miscarriage to me, uh I mean, congratulations to you." But alas, I always have to be the bigger flippin' person - so I didn't say anything! Then, this morning she has on there week by week by th.ebu.mp and she is only four weeks along. What kind of an idiot posts that at only four weeks?!?! Oh yeah, must be one of those special kind of idiots that live in a fantasy-world, where everything works at exactly the moment you want it to. And everyone lives happily-ever-after, without a fricken' care in the world! I wouldn't know anything about a world like that....must be nice!

(Thanks for letting me vent.)

Now, off to go "hide" her so I don't see anymore of this nonsense..

Update

I went to the RE Monday, had a repeat sono. Still the same results - empty yolk sac. Actually, on this sono it showed two yolk sacs, but they said that didn't necessarily mean twins{which was my first thought} that it could just be abnormal tissue formed from the unviable PG. He said we could continue waiting for the m/c to happen naturally, have a D&C or he would prescribe me Misop.rostol{and Tyle.nol #3 for pain} which would cause me to miscarry within 12-48 hours. After much thought and convo's with the hubs, we decided I would take the Rx. So, last night I took the med's and by morning I had already started bleeding. It was moderately heavy up until early evening, but now it's slowed down quite a bit. And oddly enough, I haven't experienced any cramping or pain thus far. I've never heard of anyone who's had a m/c and not have any pain associated with it. So I'm guessing, this is the calm before the storm?? Who knows....I really don't have anything to compare this to. My m/c after the IVF was more like a really light period with no cramps probably because I was only two weeks along.

I'm really quite surprised with myself for how well I've taken this m/c. It probably has a lot to do with TTC for eight plus years. I know we will try again and I'm hopeful it WILL work. But one thing I've learned from all this, is that high beta numbers don't exactly mean a viable PG. Sad but true.