Spilling the beans......{long, but worth it}

Ok! I give, I cannot hold it in any longer. Plus, it looks like it's gonna be June before it happens now and I will never make it till then, so here IT is.

Are ya ready?!? .....I guess I should tell you when and where all this came from and then tell you the what. No, that won't work, you'd be far to busy trying to figure out the "what" that you wouldn't be paying enough attention to the "when & where." Right? Oh, now I'm confusing myself! I'm just gonna tell you what it is and then I'll fill you in on the details, etc.

Ok for realsies, are ya ready!?! I know I am.....








!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!WE ARE DOING AN IUI IN JUNE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Can you believe it?? I am so unbelievably happy right now and it is still 2 months out! I am beyond stoked!!! I can't even begin to imagine how happy I'll be if it works!

So let me get down to the nitty-gritty of how we came to this decision.......First off, yes we are still trying to pay off the IVF, but we are finally to the point{I think} where our payment will actually all go to the balance instead of just paying on the interest. Yay!! With me not working and money being really tight, we have been wanting to pay off any extra bills, like the IVF and stupid little loans that we have that may have been okay when we had the extra income, but not now. Well, J and I hadn't even talked about anything IF-wise in a long time, mainly because I knew we didn't have the money and we wouldn't do IVF again until we had paid off the first one or saved/raised enough money to pay cash. A couple of months ago, he brought up the topic and asked what I thought about doing another IUI{we did 2 with my crappy ob/gyn before we had our RE}. For the sole reason of money, or the lack there of rather. J we had enough in our IVF acct to probably do one cycle and if it didn't work he would be fine with trying it a couple more times. He said, when we finally do get the IVF paid off, he doesn't want to turn around and start all over again with a new loan. Neither do I really. It's just so much money and with no guarantee. After we discussed it for awhile he told me to call the RE the next day and make an appointment for a consult. Last week we met with him and he was thrilled with our decision and said he thought the odds would be good if we tried a medicated C. {my other 2 were barely timed and not medicated at all. like I said, crappy ob/gyn} I asked what needs to be done prior including any tests since it's been a few years. He told me I would have to have a CIS which is similar to the HSG but without the x-ray exposure. I had that appt last Monday and boy am I glad that's done with. Oy! I don't remember the HSG being that painful afterwards. They had told me to take 4 Mot.ri.n before bed and 4 more a hour before my appt. What they should have told me was to take an additional 4 that night or the next morning. All night{after the test} my stomach hurt really badly, like an extreme bloated feeling. The next day was awful and I pretty much laid on the couch with my arm pressed across my stomach trying to relieve some of the pressure by pushing it off my chest. It's kinda hard to explain, but if anyone will understand what I'm talking about, it's you. Anyway, by the end of Tuesday the pain was gone. And in case you were wondering my tubes are all clear, which is what I figured.

Now, the reason we are not doing it in May is because the week I am "suppose" to start is the same week we leave for Hawaii. If anything could make a person want to reschedule Hawaii, THIS would be it. But, we have waited eight years, so really what's another month in the whole grand scheme of it? Am I right? I mean, it's Hawaii and if the IUI works in June, I don't foresee a Hawaii vacation soon after. So we plan to keep vacation as regularly scheduled{not that cancelling was ever really an option} and trying an IUI in June!!!!!

I know this is a long post already, but I have one more Awe Moment to share! Hubs doesn't talk much about this{IF, baby, etc}. If I bring it up, I might get an uh-huh, sure, what-ev kinda response. But, that changed the other day.....For a good two years now, he has been looking for a truck to buy. Not just any ordinary truck, he's a mechanic, so he has specifics that he is not willing to settle on, hence the two-year hunt! The main specific is a single-cab, he always said it would be more of a work truck and vacations would be taken in my car/truck. ......The other day we were driving around, running errands, when he asks me if I thought an extended cab would be big enough? Big enough for what, I said? You want a single cab, what are you talking about? And then it happened.....He continues with, big enough for a car seat?!? Oh my gosh! My eyes started welling up with happy tears.....I never thought we would be having the conversation, much less this conversation brought up by him. In that moment, it hit me, that's his way of being excited and he is looking forward to the possibilities even if he doesn't show it very much or incessantly talk about like I do. Ok! Now I'm crying again! It's just so sweet that he thought of that, I love him so much!!! He's the bestest!!!!!!

The truck hunt continues with a slight change......now he's only looking at extended cabs! {I heart him!}

So, that's "the news" sorry to have kept y'all in the dark. But, in my defense we really wanted to not tell anyone and if it worked, just be able to announce that we were PG'ers, but I couldn't hold it in any longer and apparently J couldn't either since his mom and sis now know, but literally no one else{not even my fam} knows a thing. I guess I figure, it's far less people to disappoint if it doesn't work. And as most of you know, it sucks arse to get everyone's hopes up and than have to go through all the "I'm sorry's." I guess I'm shielding myself more than anyone, but that's the way it goes with IF.

Now that you know the "what" what do you think!?!?

Want to know a lil' secret?!?

Lately, I find myself daydreaming about all things baby-related. I even allowed myself to watch .t.l.c.{.make.room.for.multiples,.bringing.home.baby., etc...} yesterday morning, which is usually strictly prohibited. I don't know if I am hindering or hurting myself with all this new-found hopefulness, but I kinda enjoy it! Eeek!!

I'm still not ready to let the cat out of the bag about this, but I think I will be soon! For those of you on the edge of your seat, wondering.....no, I am not PG{not yet anyways!}. I would never be able to keep that a secret, much less from you ladies, who have helped me through this for eight, long years.

Finally, someone gets it.....{poss trigs}

LOVE that Pa.mpe.rs realizes NOT all babies are created equally!

Amateur, but still pretty good!

I've been watching this show. Actually, hubs and I watch it.....The 1st time it came on, he was all "really? you're gonna watch this?" but after the first episode, he looks at me and says, "I know you already use coupons, but you could step it up a notch!" Ha!

Now, I am no where near as good as these ladies/men, but I went grocery shopping today and did pretty darn good especially for being my first "haul." I got everything I needed for one and a half to two weeks worth of meals/snacks/desserts/drinks. That's everything you see to the right, plus 4 12pks of Co.ke!

Among them included:

• FREE dozen eggs



• FREE pkg of strawberries



• FREE 5lb bag of potatoes



• FREE bag of chips



• FREE cheese



• FREE tomato sauce

I also got:

• 4lb bag of sugar for $1



• laundry detergent $1

Now, for the savings.....

Total amount before coupons/savings card: $190.56
Total Savings w/coupons/savings card: $ 73.68
Total OOP{out of pocket}: $ 116.88


That's a 39% savings!!!!!

Obviously, I haven't mastered the art of it, but the people on the show only purchase items that are on sale AND that they have a coupon for. And rarely do they purchase meat or produce. I on the other hand bought a lot of fresh produce and about 10lbs of meat. Lucky for me, my store doubles & triples coupons everyday!! Use that savings along with their savings card and it's a WIN WIN!!

Possibilities of Hope are Abounding

I can't go into details just yet AND I don't want to jinx myself by putting the cart before the horse, BUT I will say things are going good and I am hopeful and excited and looking forward to great things happening in the next couple of months!!!

I KNOW that last paragraph is vague and tormenting but I HAD to get this out....I'm so excited and want to tell people what's going on and what our plans for the future are, but we have decided not to divulge ANYthing for now. Unfortunately, that includes my bloggy buddies, but rest assured I will spill it all as soon as possible AND you will be the first to know what I am talking about!

OK, I've got to get back to cleaning the house and doing laundry. Blech!

Happy early Easter Everyone!!

7 days late, but she's here.

T minus 5wks

That's how long it is until we leave for Hawaii!!! I am so excited and cannot wait. Even if the whole fam damily{<--See what I did there? hehe =)} is going to be there I am determined to make the best of it!!

In other news, guess who showed yesterday evening? I'll give you a hint....sounds like SPA, but there's a T at the end and not nearly as relaxing as an actual visit to the spa. Well it sorta showed anyways....I had had enough of thinking I had started and going to the RR to check, so I put in a tampon. A few hours later, went to the RR, took it out and there was a tiny bit of blood on it. Nothing the rest of the night or at first morning pee{when it usually hits}. I went ahead and used another tampon since I was going out to mow our one acre of stickers, er I mean grass....Oh, who am I kidding, it's all stickers. Ugh, anyways when I took that one out just now there was some on there{more than last night, but still not a whole lot, is this making any sense?} but then just a small pink-tinted spot when I wiped. Not sure what is going on. I haven't tested but that's just because I cannot bare to see another negative hpt. I've seen far too many and as bad as it sounds, I'd rather just start then to see another negative test and still have to deal with starting too.

If I didn't know any better....

If I didn't know any better, I might get delusional and start to think "what if"?!? I am now 6 days late. The last three mornings I was for sure I had started when I woke up, went to the RR, had tampon in hand and nothing. My lower back started hurting two days ago{sure fire sign I'm about to start, like that day or next} still nothing, my boobs feel like sandbags, well not all the time, but last night they felt swollen. And, just typing all this makes me want to cry. Oh yeah, I have been crying over the simplest things lately. I sound like one of those cRaZy, fertiles, I know. BUT, I refuse to be that ignorant! I know my body and it's just screwing with me. I've gone through too much over the last eight years to let myself get caught up in all this craziness. I WILL through caution to the wind and I WILL NOT get my hopes up this time!

beautiful dream

I woke up this morning after the most beautiful dream I could ever imagined! I was in the hospital taking in the moment and felt blessed beyond measure.....I had just given birth to triplets, two girls and one boy!!! They were so precious and perfect! The dream was incredibly real to me. I could see their faces and I was counting to make sure they all had 10 fingers and 10 toes! If I had to use one word to describe the dream, I would say.......MAGICAL! I'm three days late today and NO I am not testing! I have pretty much come to terms with our diagnosis of less the 10% chance of conceiving on our own and to tell the truth, for the first time, I'm not even thinking, "this could be it." Not even after that dream this morning. I guess I am moving on and learning to deal with it better.