!¡!Aloha!¡!

Sticks & Stones

I am contemplating NOT going private......There are always going to be mean people in the world, it's a fact of life! Someone who doesn't like me, someone who wants to judge me, people that just don't get it and want to tell me all about it. But, they don't have to get it.....I'm not here to please them. It's like my dad always tells me, "don't worry about what others think/say/do......they're just jealous of you!"

Where have all the bloggers gone?

It's been mentioned on a few blogs lately, but I want to know where you all are? Here are all the blogs{on my list} that either don't blog anymore or maybe changed their blog addy{& forgot to tell me}? The date listed is the last time there was a post.....

Caitlin - 9/10

AjHoward - 9/10

Liz - 9/10

Kristin - 9/10

Nholdorf - 8/10

Jes - 7/10

Richelle - 4/10

Brookeeg - 4/09

I am not trying to be a stalker and I will delete you from my list if you're not doing the blog-thang anymore. BUT, I really do miss you ladies! It's weird knowing everything about someone and then having them drop off the planet?!?! I find myself wondering what ever happened to so & so? Did she get PG ever? Is she living child free?? Did their adoption go through? How is/are the baby/twins doing?? I know life gets busy and with kiddos it's got to be all the more busy & crazy, but I would love to hear from you!!! Some of the blogs I keep up with haven't blogged since Aug/Sept of 2010 and one as far back as 2009!! I just hate to take you off my list in case you ever do blog again. But, I will be making some changes{& editing} on my blog after my vacation. So if you have a new blog addy you want to share with me OR you have decided to not blog anymore let me know either way by commenting and I will either delete or hold onto your addy. Whatever you decide is fine by me. I wish you all the very best in life!!!

Hey! Did you hear??

We are infertile's, so therefore we don't deserve a vacation. Such frivolous spending should be saved and used only for treatment C's. Silly me, I always thought life cannot stop just because we are IF...we must live life as it comes and enjoy things from time to time. Otherwise, why wouldn't we just cancel our electricity and hey who needs water. Or heck, maybe we shouldn't be buying groceries either, I mean, think of all the money we could be saving just by cutting back those three items!! And, don't you dare go about accepting donations, especially when you are not working yourself. The audacity! Never mind the fact that it was our family who asked us to come up with a way where they could donate and help us out.

Sorry! Had to get that rant out.......

I am beyond grateful to all of our family and friends who have wanted to help us save money for treatment C's. Every time I saw one of my fellow IF'ers donate my heart broke and I cried, because out of the whole world of people who might give I never expected it to be from someone who was going through the same thing I am. Their generosity has touched my heart more than they will ever know and I will forever be grateful for the kindness they have shown me!

*I have made some changes to my blogs and I will be going private on this one very soon. I would love to have you stay with me if you want to. You can drop your email in my comment section{don't worry, I won't post it} and I'll invite you to my blog.

{{{hugs & hearts}}}

Hello

What's up ladies?? So sorry I haven't been around lately. It feels like I've been super busy the last couple of months, but then when I think about it, I can't really think of any great tasks that I have accomplished. Weird, to say the least!

This time next week, we will be on a plane headed for Hawaii!!!! I cannot wait to get there, but I am so anxious about the plane ride! I even had to call my Dr yesterday and ask him to call in some anti-anxiety meds. :/ ......never done that before!! As a kid I loved flying. My parents were missionaries to South Africa and every four years we flew back home and then stayed in the US a year and flew back to SA. I loved it, even the turbulence didn't scare me. When I was in my teens I started wondering "how do those ginormous metal things stay in the air and not fall?" Once my mom & I went to see my sis in college and on the flight back we boarded this itty-bitty plane that had one seat on one side and two on the other. I was freaking out!! I had only ever been on planes that had a middle section, TWO AISLES, NOT ONE. Needless to say, mom had me leaning over with my head between my legs, breathing through a paper bag. It was bad, so bad! I wish I could say I have gotten better, however, now that I am an adult I think it has gotten worse{9/11 didn't help either}. Hubs and I went to Mexico a couple years after we got married and they tried to seat us separately{I don't think so}. If this ever happens to you, simply walk to the seat you are supposed to sit at, look at the person that will be sitting by you, look back at your hubs and say, "I'm too nervous to sit by myself. I think I'm gonna throw up!" That person will raise their hand so fast and offer to switch with your hubs in a heartbeat!! It truly is a magic phrase. But seriously, even sitting by J I was so nervous I still almost got sick.

I've known this trip was coming for awhile and every time I started to think about the plane ride I would get this hard-to-breathe-feeling in my chest. I'd simply tell myself, "it's months away, you can worry about it when it gets here." Well, guess what? It's here and I am worried!!! I know that I know that I know, it will all be okay, but still I want to be able to have a good time and feel relaxed. So today, I get to go pick-up my anti-anxiety Rx!!!!!! Thank goodness for great docs, who get it!!

I still have a million things to do before we leave! Better get to it, eh?!?

MIA

Sorry ladies....I know I have been MIA lately. Just wanted to pop in and say hello and let you know I have been thinking of you! Hope all is well in blog-land!!

P.S. I promise to post next week...Promise, promise!

Busy & emotional week ahead!

The crazy busy doesn't really start until tomorrow, but I'm already stressing. We have so much going on in the next seven days.... My SIL is getting re-married Saturday. Sounds weird since she's already my SIL, but she was the one that was married to my brother that died.
~Tomorrow, J and I have an appointment{more pre-IUI stuff}.
~Thursday, is wedding rehearsal day! And would have been my Mamaw's 86th b-day.
~Friday, I have to pick up my sister at the airport and then her and I have to go help set up and decorate the church for the wedding.
~Saturday afternoon is pictures, then the wedding and then the after party that night!
~Sunday is MD and so I'll need to be at church with my mom. Ugh! How is hat day here again. Oofta May!
~Monday, nothing that I know of. Thank goodness!
~Tuesday 5/10 is our 8th anniversary!!
~Wednesday 5/11 would have been my brother's 37th b-day.

I've been ok with SIL dating this guy and getting engaged but I'm afraid come Saturday the emotions are gonna come rolling in. Especially with my dad doing the wedding(he did her last one when she married my brother). What if I keep picturing my brother there? I just know I'm gonna lose it. My mom is walking her down the aisle with her mom as well, my sister is singing, my brother is saying a prayer and J is an usher. Not sure why, but she didn't ask me to have a part in it at all. Oh well, I figure I'm gonna be too busy being a hot mess to be a part of anything. No really, it bothers me that I was the only one not asked and her and I are super close.

And somewhere in all of that, I have to workout, tan, keep the house clean, do laundry, cook meals and J has to work. Whew! What a week. I'm tired just re-reading all that.

What's your plans for the week?!

Special thanks to my subconscious & busy week

I'd like to publicly recognize my subconscious & thank her for pulling me through, yet again! What am I referring to, you may ask? Why the inevitable bomb of a PG'cy announcement of course. Two of my sisters{technically SIL & her sis, but I consider them both sisters} came over the other night. They had come from the botanical gardens after taking some bridal photos, etc. I'll get into that more on the busy week update. Let me just cut to the chase, they had been over for close to a hour when SIL's sis, I'll call her M went to the rr. M came back in the kitchen and had this look on her face & I kinda thought something was up. Then she said, "I gotta tel" and before she could get the whole sentence out, I knew it. M is PG......She finishes with "tell you something." I said ok, but already knew what was coming. She goes on to say that she is almost 16 wks along and how she has been afraid to tell me cause she didn't want to hurt me cause she knows this is something that I want so badly for myself. I realized my facial expression was not that of a congratulatory one & could hear my subconscious telling me to smile and look happy. So I did and in that moment I could see a rush of relief wash over M. Then my dear subconscious reminded me to ask questions, which I did. "When are you due?" "Boy or girl?" etc, etc. I told M how happy I am for her and that I wasn't mad at her at all{honest truth} and that I loved her. I got through the rest of the evening until they left, but that night and the next day I found myself getting quite upset about it. Not upset with M, I truly am happy for her! What upsets me is the fact that it comes so easily to some and those "some" are not even TTC. Oddly enough, I found myself asking the question, "Why not one of my blog-girls?" I wasn't even thinking "why not me?" I just wanted to know why it couldn't be one of you ladies?? In all honesty, I sorta feel bad for M....she is with this guy that is all wrong for her and IMO doesn't deserve her. I even think she knows this herself, but now she is having his kid so I'm sure it makes it even harder. I talked to my sister{actual blood sister} the next day and she said how M had told her that she was so worried that I would pull away from her and that we wouldn't be as close if she told me. M couldn't stand the thought that her news might hurt me so badly that I would not want to be around her anymore. That could never happen. I love M and I told her that. I know I have grown a lot over the last eight years, when I can honestly say that I am happy for her! And even though it is something I want for myself, that doesn't mean I cannot be happy for others. I think it is all in the way it is presented{PG announcements, that is}. The fact that M was worried sick over how I would take the news, shows me that she really cares for me and that is not something I can ignore. The thing that upsets me the most about all of it is that she is now considering moving back home{way up north} to be closer to her mom. I don't want her to go, but in my heart I think she's already made up her mind. I don't think the father will go with if she goes, but sadly that might be the only way for M to make a clean break.

I had myself a good pity-party and now I am back on the happy train! Talked to SIL and found out she likes animals{monkeys, lions, tigers} so I'm off to make her a hooded towel for baby!! I'll fill you in on my busy week tomorrow.....cause I'm sure you are all on the edge of your seats. Ha!!