Confession

I will admit this to you ladies, but never to my IRL peoples. Lately, my lower stomach has started to pooch out a wee bit. Maybe I should start at the beginning.......I have ALWAYS held my stomach in, not that I am fat by any means, but every woman has a little pooch and well I always held mine in. Anyways, I am noticing here lately, that I'm not sucking it in. I don't know if I' m getting lazy or what, but whatever the case, it is starting to round out a little. I really don't get what is going on, cause I have actually lost weight. See I figured if it was getting bigger I must be gaining weight, but I'm not, so I don't know how this is happening.

Now that you know that......If you throw in the cramps(feet & legs), forgetfulness, tired all the time, and itchy belly(like your skin is stretching), then a person REALLY starts to wonder. Well, this person is really wondering anyways. I am not kidding on this next part, but IF, I were to take a "belly pic" I could easily look 3 months along, easily! And thats not pushing my stomach out any, thats just relaxing it. Also, it is my lower stomach, like where a bump starts?!?!

If I were a celeb, the tabloids would be noticing a "bump" for sure!! Like Jenn.ife.r A.nnis.ton's only mine is bigger. Kinda like smilely's double chin here. --> :o))

Don't get me wrong, I love the message board over on W.ebM.d, but everytime I click on the TTC: 12 Months, Still Trying, I can't help but think they should have a board called..........

**TTC: 5 YEARS, Still Trying**

or

**TTC: In it for THE LONG HAUL**

or, my personal fave,

**TTC: When the 'BLEEP' is it Gonna Be MY Turn?!?**

=) I just re-read it & it kinda sounds like I'm in a bad mood, but I'm really not angry.....I just thought it would be funny to see what us IF ladies would name a message board. Come' On.............You don't have to think too hard, I thought of all those in a minute!! So, what would you name a board? :o)

Update on the lump :{

So I went to the Dr. on Monday and I was right(though, I wish I wasn't),...........THERE IS a lump in my Bb. She said, it wasn't anything that she was worried about, and thinks its a cyst and will go away on its own. I'm still a little worried, but not freaking out AS MUCH as I was............Now, I was told to watch it for 3-4 wks and if it changes or becomes bothersome, then to call her & schedule an u/s. I'm hoping it goes away and I don't have to go get the u/s.

Food for thought......

In an attempt to be a more positive and encouraging........I thought I would share this poem. I've had it for years and just came accross it this evening. Hope you enjoy!

When you are lonely

I wish you Love.

When you are down

I wish you Joy.

When you are troubled

I wish you Peace.

When things are complicated

I wish you simple Beauty.

When things are chaotic

I wish you inner Silence.

When things are empty

I wish you Hope.

Has anyone heard from......

..........GRETCHEN??


Has she had the twins yet? Did she ever start a blog? Does anyone know anything?

Please HELP!

TMI - ok, you've been warned.......

I found a lump in my L Bb. I of course freaked out and am still quite concerned. DH thinks its "no big deal" and I shouldn't worry. But, I should worry, right??? I mean its a lump!!! Okay, its about the size of my fingertip, so kinda small, but stil?!?! I guess what I need help with is deciding what to do. I know, I know I SHOULD go to the Dr and probly will, but don't your Bbs normally change a bit right before/during your period?? Should I give it a couple days and see if it goes away or changes any?? Should I run to the Dr now?? I don't want to freak out over nothing, but then again is a lump really nothing??

I Asked hubs THE loaded question

It never occured to me until today(this was actually a couple months ago) to ask J about more IVF Cycles......I mean we have talked about it several times and have both said that we want to try it again, but I NEVER asked him if HE could handle it.....I always assumed if I could handle it, he would be able to handle it. I mean, I have to go to the RE all the time, and be seen, poked, & prodded numerous times by what seems like EVERYONE in the medical field. I have to have my blood drawn, take all sorts of pills, hormone patches, vitamins, and give myself 3-4 shots A DAY!! And yes, I know that it is hard for him also, but he just seemed to breeze through it. And not really show the pain and loss like I did. Or maybe, he was putting on a strong face for me, since I took it so hard.

Well, we have said that when we do IVF again that we are going to do the package deal (3 fresh, & up to 3 frozen cycles). So, I said to J that I know it will be wicked hard to go through the possible 6 cycles, and IF none were to workout it would be extremely difficult, BUT, I would rather feel as though I gave it my all instead of trying (& failing) the 1st time and giving up. And, always wondering "what if". What if we did IVF again? What if we got pregnant the next time? WHAT IF??? I HATE the "what ifs".

Now, when J thought about it and realized that it could be 6 more times of IVF, he was a little stand-offish. He still is, and this is what his reasoning is. He said, he doesn't know if he can handle the loss, but more so, if none of the cycles "took" he knew I would be devastated and that would be the hard part for him. That he would have to see me go through loss and pain and devastation and depression. And, what only he can imagine is, that, with each try it would get worse and worse. He said, he does not know if he can handle seeing me go through all of that 6 more times.

Of course, his words broke my heart a little cause I know he is right. And, I hate that I was so distraught over it that I didn't see how much he was hurting as well. So, for now I think we are on "PAUSE" with the whole situation. And, maybe soon we will decide when we will try again and just how many more cycles we can handle.

QUESTIONS 4 the PREGGO'S.....

What did you do the C you got preggo?
What plan of treatment did you follow?
Did you do/eat/drink anything different?
Did you stay lying down after BD'ing, if so, how long and did you put pillows under your hips or lay flat on your back?

ANYTHING you can think of and don't mind sharing will be greatly appreciated!!!