All alone

I am here at the health fair and everywhere I look is mother/daughter,
or sisters or friends. And then there's me..... All by myself :(

I'm sure there are others here by themselves, but it doesn't feel like
it.

Ok, pity-party of one is now over! I'm about to go in to the
presentation, hope I learn lots of useful information!!!!

Sent from my iPhone

FertilAid arrived!

My question is, do we start taking it now(CD 9) or do we wait and start it at the beginning of my next C?

cloud nevermind

*sigh*

My RE's office called yesterday (out of the blue) to notify me of the
IVF Seminar that was last night! She said it was there at the office
and did we want to come? Um, hell yeah!!! This is where he gives away
a free ivf c, of course I wanna go. I told her to count us in. I was
stoked!! That's when y'all got the short, but excited post. I didn't
realize at the time, but I'm sure you all that I got a BFP. So sorry I
got your hopes up.

We never made it to the seminar. Saying I was disappointed would be an
understatement, to say the least. We got to his office 30 minutes
early. We sat in the truck for a little bit and watched people working
out in the gym across the street. We decided to go ahead and go in
early so I could go to the restroom. We stepped out of the elevator
and saw his office door was boarded up. Weird, but I thought maybe
they had made a new entrance and there was a sign by where the door
use to be that said that suite was down the hall..... Well, the door
down there had a WARNING sign on it something about "watch for fires"
so clearly a construction site rather than my RE's office.

Starting to fret a little, I call their office but of course it was
after 5 so no one answered. I had this other number for my RE and I
always assumed it was his cell phone. Seeing that I felt it was an
emergency I called it. Turns out it was his house number. Yay, I have
my RE's home number, but boo no one answered so no help there.

I tried googling him to see if the office had moved but it said we
were at the right place. I was starting to feel like I was on the cusp
of my dream but I could feel it slipping out of my grip at the same
time. Still determined not to give up, I said let's go to another
floor and maybe someone will know where he moved to. So here we are
going down a hall full of locked doors! Agh it was so frusterating. It
was kinda like a horror movie in the sense that you need to find a
open door to escape but every single door was closed. But wait, I see
an office with lights on and I hear voices. Sure it's the cornea place
but maybe just maybe they know where the heck my dr moved to. A lady
in there starts looking it up on the computer. It takes a little bit
and then about the time she finds it she says that she wonders if he
moved to the other hospital that a lot of the gyn's moved to. Sure
enough he did, luckily it was only a few blocks away. So we walk all
the way back to the truck in the rain, oh yeah you got to add rain
into the mix. That always helps, NOT!

We arrive at what we think is the correct building(and keep in mind we are already 10 minutes late) only to find out we still do not have the correct office. *SIGH* At this point we are both extremely frusterated, its raining, I can't run to the truck because stupid me wore heals and if I ran I would most definitely fall into the biggest puddle.....So we were both getting soaked and more aggrevated. It is now, 6:20pm, and I finally told J to forget it. It just wasn't working out as planned.

I wanted to go so bad. I was feeling really optimistic and I hadn't been that happy in a while. I miss that smiling for no reason other than happiness feeling.

I called my RE's office this morning and gave her the short version of last night and she apologized, said she was so sorry, since we talk all the time she didn't realize I had never been to their new office. I got the address and directions for future use and she said she would notify me of the next one. I asked her to please tell my RE that we didn't flake out on him last night, we really wanted to be there, but we never could find the place. She said, she would tell him and that is probably gonna make him feel really bad. And I'm sure he will, cause he has a big heart for what he does and he genuinly cares for his patients. I don't want him to feel bad, I just didn't want him to think we didn't show after we said we would be there.

I am sorry I got all your hopes up. I know what you must have been thinking. And for future reference, when I get my bfp, I will not torment you with a quick post like yesterday's. So Sorry!

Nevermind. I tell you about it tomorrow.

ps...I was never pg. I'm sure that's what y'all were thinking.

On cloud 9 right now!! Details coming soon....

WWWWHHHHHYYYYYYY?!?!

I was up all last night, I'm talking ZERO sleep! I know I already have a post for today, but I've been awake now for 25 hours and counting so you might get 3-4 posts today!!?!!


WHY?

I called my mom & was telling her about that health fair on Sat and asked if she would be interested in going with me? Now, she had just asked me if I wanted to go shopping either FRIDAY or Monday. I said Monday cause I am trying to get this work done for my sister. Back to my question - with which her answer is, "oh, I'll have to see how I am feeling"(she's got a cold or some kinda bug). She has to see how she will be "feeling" on Saturday, but she was wanting to go shopping on Friday??? I don't understand why they(her & my dad) can't be more supportive of our IF? WHY???? I even told her about my RE's free IVF C giveaway's and she says, huh......Seriuosly, who says that, certainly not the mother of an infertile?!?!?!? I don't get it! If that would have been J's mom she would have been bouncing off the walls with excitement!!

I really wish I could get more support out of them....I know they don't agree with us doing IVF and that is fine, but would it really kill them to give me some support on this major part of our life?? Heck, at this point I would happily accept "fake support." I just need something.......

What Can Infertile Couples Do To Help Them Get Pregnant

I am going to this Health Fair put on by a local hospital on Saturday. The class I am attending is on IF and What Can Infertile Couples Do To Help Them Get Pregnant. I am really excited about it! I have asked my mom, MIL, SIL(not the one mentioned yesterday) and a friend(who I recently found out is also dealing w/IF) to come with me. I really hope someone will want to go, but I am still going even if I have to go alone. :( UNLESS, All of you ladies want to go with me!!!

Strained Relationship...

For the last couple of days I have been thinking about an old friend. She is actually on of my SIL and we use to be really good friends. Like the kind you talk to 10 times a day about anything or nothing at all.

RECAP: She use to live 8 houses down from me and we did everything together....worked at the same school, took vacation together, they even let us spend a couple nights there when we were remodeling our house & I couldn't be around the fumes due to our IVF C. Well, one night DH got on to his brother about how he's raising his kids(the 2-yr-old took a marker to our new kitchen)Sure, that could be what's the problem, seeing as we don't have kids, but we are the one advising. At first they were mad and didn't talk to us, then the brothers worked it out and started talking again, but it was different.

Next issue....Was in July, I had been 3 weeks late and just got a BFN. DH came in, I told him and he said we were suppose to go over to their house. I did not want to go and be around 4 little kids after getting a bfn, but I went thinking I would tell my friend about it. Well, that didn't happen, cause when I got down there she told me she was PG, (so as a friend) I put me aside, swallowed my tears and congratulated her and told her how happy I was for her. I will never forget her response...."Do NOT congratulate me, I am NOT happy about this"...as she lit up a cigarette. I was pissed and hurt and I probly should've told her right then, but I didn't figure it would change the situation and I would still be hurting....So I took the high road, stayed a little longer & thought of something we "had" to do and we left.

Needless to say, that strained my part of the friendship for sure. I could hardly stand to be around her during the pregnancy as she continued to smoke the entire time, all the while tying to hide it from me. I stayed mad for a while and finally decided I wanted to fix things and get our relationship back. I went to her house one day, asked if there was something I had done, she said no, but I apologized anyway. She said everything was fine and she wasn't mad at me, but didn't apologize herself.

After that, things didn't really change much. Not that I thought it would magically return to normal or anything, but I had hoped we would be on the road to recovery.
However that was almost a year ago. and still nothing! I haven't talked to her since Christmas, not that she even really talked to me then, heck she won't hardly look at me. They both avoided us at Christmas and J said when he said goodbye to everyone, he looked at her and she was making a face at him, but when she realized he saw her she tried to cover it up with a smile....she didn't even look or say anything when I said bye.

I hope I don't sound petty and childish, it's just I miss my friend, despite our differences and I wish I had a good close friend I could talk to some days. (Don't get me wrong, I am so thankful I have each of you ladies here to support me, but sometimes you need a face-to-face conversation) So I guess my question is, should I continue to try and fix things or should I be thankful for the time we were friends, cut my losses and try to move on?

I WON!

The contest at 999


Here's the poem that won us some Fert.il.Aid.!!!!!

Every month I wait hoping for,
That + I've been longing for.
But once again AF shows and again my heart is sore.

I almost bought us some the other day, glad I didn't spend the $$ on it now!
Ooh! I can't wait to get it and start taking it. J has taken it before, but I never have. So, here's hoping that it can stir up enough magic and baby dust and maybe, just maybe, something fantastical, or rather someONE/TWIN FANTASTICAL will come of it!!!

Oh, and she said my period poem rocked! Granted she probly said that to the other winner as well, but none the less, it made me feel good!!! =^}

No! I'm not ignoring you. I've been having trouble commenting on some of the blogs, so if I haven't posted on your blog it's not because I don't want to. I am trying to.

Hopefully the problem will cease and I can get back to frequent commenting, okay semi-frequent. ;) ;)

" The Barber"

This is one of the best explanations of why God allows pain and suffering that I have seen...




A man went to a barbershop to have his hair cut and his beard trimmed.
As the barber began to work, they began to have a good conversation.
They talked about so many things and various subjects.
When they eventually touched on the subject of God, the barber said: 'I don't believe that God exists.'

'Why do you say that?' asked the customer. 'Well, you just have to go out in the street to realize that God doesn't exist.
Tell me, if God exists, would there be so many sick people? Would there be abandoned children?

If God existed, there would be neither suffering nor pain!
I can't imagine a loving God who would allow all of these things.'
The customer thought for a moment, but didn't respond because he didn't want to start an argument.
The barber finished his job and the customer left the shop.

Just after he left the barbershop, he saw a man in the street with long, stringy, dirty hair and an untrimmed beard.
He looked dirty and unkempt. The customer turned back and entered the barber shop again and he said to the barber:
'You know what? Barbers do not exist.'
'How can you say that?' asked the surprised barber..
'I am here, and I am a barber. And I just worked on you!'
'No!' the customer exclaimed. 'Barbers don't exist because if they did, there would be no people with dirty long hair and untrimmed beards, like that man outside.'

'Ah, but barbers DO exist! That's what happens when people do not come to me.'
'Exactly!' affirmed the customer. 'That's the point! God, too, DOES exist! That's what happens when people do not go to Him and don't look to Him for help.
That's why there's so much pain and suffering in the world.'

BE BLESSED & BE A BLESSING TO OTHERS!!!!!!!

Hold on to your Hats!

Whenever we are anywhere, kids and baby(ies) catch my attention and he just seems to never notice them, even if I say something about a child in a restaurant, its like, "uh-huh" but he's not interested or whatever. Well, we went out to dinner the other night and first he notices a family with 4 kids and says "they have there hands full, cause it looks like the oldest is about 4 years old." ......Now, that may not be a big deal to you, but trust me the fact that he acknowledged and more so said someting about it is good for him. But then he is staring at something over my shoulder and I asked what he was looking at, and it was this cute little boy sitting in the booth behind me and he kept sticking his tongue out at J!

Okay, still not big deals for some, but milestones for us. 99% of the time we talk about IF or getting pg or anything baby related it is started by me.......

Then yesterday, we were in the truck running errands and some news clip comes on the radio about Ha.iti. and he says to me, that he read cn.n.com. that since there are now numerous children that are parentless, the adoption agencies are making it super easy for Americans to adopt from there. So, we talked about that for awhile, we didn't make any concrete plans but there is now more thoughts rolling around in my head. So we will see, how that goes.




----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

On the C front - AF showed up this morning, a day early! ....I guess that is better than a day late, but still. So I figured it up and I think this is the start of CSixty-Something. *sigh*

Twas the Month After Christmas

"It was the month after Christmas,
and all through the house,
Nothing would fit me,
not even a blouse.

The cookies I'd nibbled,
the chocolate I did taste
and the holiday parties
had gone to my waist.

When I got on the scales
there arose such a number!
When I walked to the store
(less a walk than a lumber),

I'd remember the marvellous meals I'd prepared;
The gravies and sauces and beef nicely rared,
The wine and the rum balls, the bread and the cheese
And the way I'd never said, 'No thank you, please.'

As I dressed myself in my husband's old shirt
And prepared once again to do battle with dirt...
I said to myself, as I only can,
'You can't spend a winter, disguised as a man!'

So, away with the last of the sour cream dip.
Get rid of the fruit cake, every cracker and chip.
Every last bit of food that I like must be banished
Till all the additional ounces have vanished.

I won't have a cookie, not even a lick.
I'll want only to chew on a long celery stick.
I won't have hot biscuits, or corn bread, or pie.
I'll munch on a carrot and quietly cry.

I'm hungry, I'm lonesome, and life is a bore...
But isn't that what January is for?
Unable to giggle, no longer a riot.
Happy New Year to all, and to all a good diet."

TV & peanut butter

I'm laying in bed last night watching Fri.en.ds before I fell asleep AND wouldn't you know it, both episodes are preggo's. First off was Ross's ex giving birth, ugh. Then it was the one where Rachel passes her due date and is excessively gripping(sp) about being pg, grrr!!

Oh and what's with those J.iff.y peanut butter commercials?? "Choosy.moms.choose.jiff." ......Yeah well, choosy wives choose it.....and choosy singles choose it...... and I'm sure, choosy grandpa's choose it too!

Poor dh got that same ear full last time that commercial came on. I hate it!! I/we are now being singled out by peanut butter.......Seriously?

Sent from my iPhone

lazy day

I woke up this morning at 8:00 when J got home from work. Cleaned the kitchen, took a shower & got ready.....Had to take J to the chiropractor. Normally, I call & make the appt and fill out the paperwork when we get there and he reads a magazine. But, much to my surprise, he filled out all the paperwork himself(my little man is growing up) so I got to read about ok, better choice of words would be stare at Matt.hew. McC.onaug.hey!!!

We drove thru and got lunch at Ta.co C.asa. and came home. J went to bed and I came in the office so I could work on the recipes(that's the contract labor I was telling you about), however, I can't bring myself to actually do any work. How bad am I?? I just keep checking in on my blog girl's and surfing the web instead!!

I REALLY do need to finish the recipes though. The main reason being, that I get paid when I am finished, but the other reason is that they HAVE to be finished by the end of the month. I can't seem to apply myself though. The work in and of itself is not hard, it is more time consuming than anything......I have to go into this huge database full of recipes, pick out foods that people will actually eat and then re-format them into a new database. So really not hard at all, I just find it hard to motivate myself.

I guess I need to unplug the internet, so it's not a distraction anymore and maybe I can get some work done so this day is not a complete loss.

HaPpY MoNdAy!

Yoo-Hoo! Has anyone heard from......

Caitlin???? It has been 2 1/2 weeks since her last post and I'm getting a little worried. =)

Caitlin, if you are reading this, I hope you are doing ok. Thinking of you often, hugs & prayers. Take care!

No Go

I thought I found the perfect job opportunity. I went through 3 hours of training & tests yesterday, only to find out today, I did not pass. *SIGH*

Contract Labor

My sis threw me a bone and gave me some work! It's just contract labor and it's only for the remainder of the month, but hey, begger's can't be chooser's and I'll take what I can get!!!



The pic above is what my work area looks like these days. Yep, that's right there is a glow coming from TWO computers. See I'm working on the desktop and anything internet wise(like catching up on the blogs, etc) is done on the mini laptop. Sure I could get my work done faster if I closed the laptop, but where's the fun in that?!?! "Give a Little, Get a Little" .....that's what I always say!

Okay well I can't get the picture to upload, but I'm sure you can picture it in your head. ;)

IF/PG POLL

First my opinion....

I am reading a lot of blogs where the ones that have become pg and or had kids feel like they shouldn't post or comment anymore for fear us
other IFers will be upset by it. It may just be me, but honestly I would be more hurt if you did stop commenting than if you were to say something that you feel might offend me. Besides, about half of the blogs I currently follow are girls that are either pg or just had a baby. What I'm trying to say is, I've been there with you through the hard times so why can' I be there now that times are good?

Now, for the poll......

Do you want PG bloggers to comment on your blog?

If situations were reversed(those of you that are PG weren't & those of you who aren't, were) how would you feel?

I feel it coming.....

That state of depression I used to be in. I'm not really sad or
anything and I don't "feel" depressed, but I have the loss of interest
and absolutely no motivation.

I don't want to be that person again. I know how bad I felt all the
time and how it hurt my dh to see me that way. I don't want those
feelings back in my life. Especially when there is no reason to be
feeling this way.

Last time I was dealing with our failed IVF and still mourning the
loss of my brother, so I felt like my depression was understandable
and acceptable. This time, those issues are not the issue. I don't
know why I am feeling this way. What I do know is that I DO NOT want
to feel that way and I hope this is just a funk that I am in and that
it goes away quickly!!

I Believe....

A Birth Certificate shows that we were born. 

  
A Death Certificate shows that we died. 

Pictures show that we lived! 
 
Have a seat . . . Relax ... . . And read this slowly. 

I Believe.... 

  That just because two people argue, 
doesn't mean they don't love each other. 
And just because they don'targue, 
doesn't mean they do love each other. 

I Believe...
That sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry,  
but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel. 

I Believe...
That we don't have to change friends if 
we understand that friends change. 

I Believe...
That no matter how good a friend is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that. 

I Believe...
That true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance. 

Same goes for true love. 

I Believe... 
That you can do something in an instant 
that will give you heartache for life. 

I Believe...
That it's taking me a long time 
to become the person I want to be. 

I Believe...
That you should always leave loved ones with 
loving words. It may be the last time you see them. 

I Believe... 
That you can keep going long after you think you can't. 

I Believe...
That we are responsible for what 
we do, no matter how we feel. 

I Believe....
That either you control your attitude or it controls you. 

I Believe...
That heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences. 

I Believe...
That money is a lousy way of keeping score.   

 I Believe..
That my best friend and I can do anything, or nothing, and have the best time. 

I Believe...
That sometimes the people you expect to kick you When you're down, will be the ones to help you get back up. 

I Believe...
That maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had, and what you've learned from them.....and less to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated. 

I Believe...
That it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others. 
  
Sometimes, you have to learn to forgive yourself. 

I Believe...
That no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn't stop for your grief. 

I Believe...
That our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, 
but we are responsible for who we become. 

I Believe...
That you shouldn't be so eager to find 
out a secret. It could change your life Forever. 

I Believe...
Two people can look at the exact same 
thing and see something totally different. 

I Believe...
That your life can be changed in a matter of 
hours by people who don't even know you. 

I Believe...
That even when you think you have no more to give, if 
a friend cries out to you........you will find the strength to help. 

I Believe...
That credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being. 

I Believe...
That the people you care about most in life are taken from you too soon. 

The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; 
They just make the most of everything. 

Thank you God for all the wonderful people who help us 
throughout this journey called Life..   

May angels guard you and guide you & 
May God continue to bless you and keep you...

Sent from my iPhone

New blog!

Here it is, the much anticipated new blog!! Since, I am laid off, I figured now was as good a time as any to start promoting my new blog and maybe pocket a little cash on the side. Check it out & let me know what you think! I am still working on it and tweaking it as I go, but I like what I have so far and I hope you do too!!

No good title :o))

Nothing new going on, sad as that may be. I am still job hunting and I can sum up that experience with 1 word ----SUCKS----!!! I'm sure it is partly because of this crappy economy we are in, but c'mon?!?!? I seriously need to find a job ASAP, we are flat broke and it's getting old fast!

The weather is frigid here. It's Texas for crying out loud......If it has to be this cold then I want 4 feet of snow!! BUT NO, all we get is ice - Ugh!

In other news, I'm in C stopped counting cause I ran out of fingers & toes, but I have the per.iod. tra.cke.er app on my phone & it says I am fertile for the next few days and O'ing on Saturday - SO BD fest is underway!!! Ya-HOO!!!!!! I LOVE this app! Does anyone else have it? It is great, it tracks EVERYthing. At first I only had the free version, but I traded up to the $1.99 version and it is so much better!!

Sneak-Peak/Mailed It!/Update

Okay Laura I mailed your giveaway gift, finally! In an effort to not ruin the surprise, I will not post on here what "it" is until you receive it, so this is the only hint I am going to give.......

I think it turned out pretty good! I hope you are happy with it, if not, you can always send it back & I'll save it for whenever I have a baby. Haha! The best thing about this gift(I think) is that, when properly taken care of it will last for several years. So, it kinda grows with the child!

• Update(ish): I called and talked to my RE's nurse and she said he does the IF seminar's every......-drum roll please-...........MONTH!!! I asked if I was eligible to attend & she said yes! Apparently, they only call and notify the patients that have scheduled IVF appts. She then asked if I was planning on doing IVF again & when I told her yes, but we are trying to pay off the last loan, she said "awe, that stinks." Now I don't know for sure if they giveaway a free C every time, but she said she would find out the date of the next one & give me a call. YaHoo!!

crazy cat lady

I was shopping the other day and I saw this amazingly cute lamp that would look perfect in a a nursery. Or, more specifically my little girl's nursery! So, like many cute things I see for potential baby, I looked at it very intently & daydreamed a little but in the end, walked away since I'm not even PG.

Well, I have been thinking about that lamp a lot and decided to ask J if I were to buy a couple things here & there for our future baby(ies), would that be the equivalent to 'the crazy cat lady'? Lucky for me he said, that would not be the same thing! We did both agree however, that if he came home one day and I had a full blown nursery all dolled up in the spare bedroom that that might make me a lil' crazy, but he said it would be ok to buy a few things every once in awhile. Yay!!

I'm definitely going to buy that lamp then! I fell in love with it as soon as I saw it and for once I could actually picture a nursery in my home. That picture is kinda hard to see since they took it with the light on, but it's pink with brown polka dots and a green with brown paisley design. And then it has these cute brown & pink decorative ball thingies around the bottom trim. It is so cute!!

Okay, I'm done daydreaming - for now!

IVF Cycle Giveaway!

So after my last post I have been thinking a lot about this and I wondered if other RE's are doing this as well. So me being the person I am decided to find out more info on this and what better way to research it than Go.ogl.e. What I found from googling 'IVF cycle giveaway' is that YES, there are other facilities offering this!! Who would've thought!?!?!?

Granted all of these prizes were awarded last year, but at least this way we can be ready to sign-up for future events. Here are some of the links I found:

Shady Grove Fertility

Race for the Family

TQC Foundation

RESOLVE'S Walk of Hope

I think it is imperative that we help each other with useful information such as this. So, if you find other site's please share with others either in my comments or on your own blogs.
Thanks Ladies!!

Found out yesterday

that my RE had a IVF Seminar in August & GAVE AWAY a FREE, IVF CYCLE!!!

......While I wish I would've known about this earlier, I am still very interested to see if that was a once-in-a-lifetime deal or if he does this yearly, quarterly, or just whenever. I signed-up for his newsletter/email thingy so hopefully they will notify me if anything great, like that, ever happens again.

I told DH that if he(our RE) does that again, I am signing us up and we ARE going EVERYtime!! I shudder to think of the possibilities from winning a give away such as this!!

Happy, Happy New Year!!!

May your troubles be less,

And your blessings be more,

And nothing but happiness

Come through your door!

Cheers to that!!