For the last couple of days I have been thinking about an old friend. She is actually on of my SIL and we use to be really good friends. Like the kind you talk to 10 times a day about anything or nothing at all.
RECAP: She use to live 8 houses down from me and we did everything together....worked at the same school, took vacation together, they even let us spend a couple nights there when we were remodeling our house & I couldn't be around the fumes due to our IVF C. Well, one night DH got on to his brother about how he's raising his kids(the 2-yr-old took a marker to our new kitchen)Sure, that could be what's the problem, seeing as we don't have kids, but we are the one advising. At first they were mad and didn't talk to us, then the brothers worked it out and started talking again, but it was different.
Next issue....Was in July, I had been 3 weeks late and just got a BFN. DH came in, I told him and he said we were suppose to go over to their house. I did not want to go and be around 4 little kids after getting a bfn, but I went thinking I would tell my friend about it. Well, that didn't happen, cause when I got down there she told me she was PG, (so as a friend) I put me aside, swallowed my tears and congratulated her and told her how happy I was for her. I will never forget her response...."Do NOT congratulate me, I am NOT happy about this"...as she lit up a cigarette. I was pissed and hurt and I probly should've told her right then, but I didn't figure it would change the situation and I would still be hurting....So I took the high road, stayed a little longer & thought of something we "had" to do and we left.
Needless to say, that strained my part of the friendship for sure. I could hardly stand to be around her during the pregnancy as she continued to smoke the entire time, all the while tying to hide it from me. I stayed mad for a while and finally decided I wanted to fix things and get our relationship back. I went to her house one day, asked if there was something I had done, she said no, but I apologized anyway. She said everything was fine and she wasn't mad at me, but didn't apologize herself.
After that, things didn't really change much. Not that I thought it would magically return to normal or anything, but I had hoped we would be on the road to recovery.
However that was almost a year ago. and still nothing! I haven't talked to her since Christmas, not that she even really talked to me then, heck she won't hardly look at me. They both avoided us at Christmas and J said when he said goodbye to everyone, he looked at her and she was making a face at him, but when she realized he saw her she tried to cover it up with a smile....she didn't even look or say anything when I said bye.
I hope I don't sound petty and childish, it's just I miss my friend, despite our differences and I wish I had a good close friend I could talk to some days. (Don't get me wrong, I am so thankful I have each of you ladies here to support me, but sometimes you need a face-to-face conversation) So I guess my question is, should I continue to try and fix things or should I be thankful for the time we were friends, cut my losses and try to move on?
I sort of think you should move on. If she's that immature that she made a face at your DH during Christmas she's just going to continue to act like that. It's sad that so many friendships are broken over stuff like this but it happens, been there done that!
ReplyDelete(((Hugs))) That really sucks. Honestly hon, I think you have done all you can. You can't fix that friendship on your own and I'm afraid you're just going to find more heartache if you keep trying. Hopefully one day she will come around and be a friend to you again, but until then I'd have to say move on. :(
ReplyDeleteIt is hard not having someone close you can talk to, I know. I'm not sure any of my IRL friends will ever be as understanding and compassionate about IF as my bloggy friends.
I would so move on. . .you don't need a friend like that, but you def need a friend to talk to about TTC in person. Is there any bloggers that live near you? I can't believe she said that infront of you after everything you have been through.
ReplyDeleteDid she know about your IF? What an insensitive thing to say to someone TTC that they are unhappy about the pregnancy!!! And to make faces at DH?!?
ReplyDeleteI agree with the others. A true friend would be sensitive and would want to talk and work it out.
((((HUGS))))
THis is your sister-in-law? Sorry about that. That sucks.
ReplyDeleteMove on and don't worry about her. Obviously she is not trying to patch up your friendship.
How does your DH get along with his brother?
Katie - Yes, she knows all about our IF and TTC. I think that is why her response hurt so much!
ReplyDeleteE - Yes, she is one of my SIL's. Sadly, I think the most hurtful comments can be from family. DH's brother used to call and talk to him daily, but these last few months, it's more like once a week, if that.
Seeing as she knew about the IVF- Cut her out. You DON'T need the strees.
ReplyDeleteShe's obviously pretty childish & self centered. Who smokes during a pg anyway?!?! Isn't that child abuse? >:^/