What am I to do?

The other night we are on our way to my parent's house for dinner, AND my dear, sweet DH drops a bomb on me........He says(all matter factly), I'm gong to buy another motorcycle(here after called momo)! Uhhh, for those of you who don't know, 4 years ago my brother was killed in a momo accident. So yes, my brain goes straight to his accident and funeral.

Now silly me was thinking that if we ever bought another momo it would be a joint decision, decided only after a very long thought process. Not a solo one, on a whim! So, I am sitting there trying to rationalize his decision and already worried about "what might be." And, he starts to talk about my brother and how we are all Christians and we all believe that when it's our time to go, it is not going to matter if we are on a momo or in a car or whatever. So true....but, I seriously don't know if I could get back on one and fully enjoy the ride like we use to.

We then got to my parent's and stopped talking about it. On a side note, If we did buy another momo, I don't know if I could tell anyone in my family, especially my mom. But then again that's not something you can hide for forever so she's gonna find out and then be mad at me for getting one and not telling her about it. Ahhh, I know I'm going crazy with unrealistic thoughts in my head, but this is how my mind works.

He didn't talk about it any more that night and I sure as heck was not about to bring it up. But then, last night he starts looking at them on the computer and asks if I want to go look at some today??? Um, not quite sure how to answer that. See, while I do nauseate myself with worry over this topic, I also try to think reasonably. I mean, he does want children but I feel like he did the whole IVF more for me so I need to do something for him in return, right? But then again I think if we spend 12 grand on a momo that could be another IVF treatment. So will I wind up resenting him if he gets the momo or will he resent me if we do IVF again??

He asked what I thought about it and I tried to avoid the question many times, but when it came down to it I told him that the mere thought of it gives me an anxiety attack! I worry about J so much more than I ever thought possible.....He works nights and he has a dangerous job and then he has to drive home in the am when he's been up all night and is half asleep. He calls me when he gets to work so I can attempt a peaceful night, but if the call doesn't come in the amount of time I think it should take him to get there I am an absolute wreck! Frantically trying to call him and so worried that when I do get him on the phone I'm in tears that something bad has happened. And this is all with him driving in a truck that surrounds his entire body. I can't even imaging how I would be if he took the momo to work!!

I try to think about the good times we had on our momo, before my brother's accident. And, I really did enjoy it, we both did. (And just so you know, we had ours up for sale before his accident we were not selling it because of the accident) We would go cruisin' for several hours and it was so relaxing and something we both enjoyed and could do together! I really did have fun on the momo. And to this day, whenever I see one out and about I do think how I miss it and how much fun it was, but then I also think of my brother and I'm back to being torn on my decision and I don't know what to do?!?!

plans for NYE 2010

What is everyone's plans for New Year's Eve? Are you going out or staying home?
We are going out, I am so happy!! This is the 1st year DH hasn't had to work the holiday since being at the Railroad. We spent our first new year's together and this will be our second. Odd because we have had a total of 8 NY's, but the closest we came to spending them "together" was if I called him at work at 11:59pm! Oh well, at least he has a good job & we can spend this NY's together.

Originally, we thought we could go visit my sister. She lives in VA, then we thought if we were that close to NYC, why not take the train in and spend NY's with her at Times Square!! And, that would have still been the plan had I not been laid-off so close to Christmas. We decided that was too big of a trp to do right after Christmas and layoff. So, we figured we better scale it back a whole lot........And with that in mind, we are going out to dinner with another couple and then we are all going to a comedy club after! I know, not quite the grand scheme plan of NYC, but I think this is more in our budget.

Since I have never been to a comedy club( I was never into the whole "clubbing" thing) I am not sure what to wear. Is it just casual dress?!?! That's what I would assume, but I would rather be over-dressed than under-dressed, KWIM??


*In a totally, unrelated topic: It is snowing again!! And, it's suppose to keep snowing through the night!! Katie, are ya'll getting any of this "snow storm"? (Sorry, can't remember what part of TX you are in.)

Christmas & Snow pics

My mom, making a snow angel!

She's from NY so she is a pro at this!!

Christmas Eve at J's family Christmas - before

Same pic - not even 10 mins later!

This is a lot of snow for TX

My wickedly cute, new, high heals!!!

Me, J & our 2 nephews.

Our make-shift family!!

I have more pics, but they will have to be in another post.

I am off to bed now, cause I am very sleepy.

Goodnight all!

~Merry Christmas~

Merry Christmas

everybody!!

I hope you ladies have a

wonderful day!

*********I know this day is hard for so many of us, but we need to remember to try & dance in the rain and smile even when the sun isn't shining in our hearts************

Started working on.......

LLnMS's baby gift. I started working on it yesterday, I think it is going to turn out really good, though I'm a bit partial to my own work. Haha!! I hope Laura likes it as much as I do. And, I hope baby gets some use out of it!

Okay, that's enough hints for now. Once I mail it, I will post a sneak-peek pic to let you see what I've been working on!!

Stupid @$$ body of mine

For some reason I had this notion to POAS today.

I'm not in a good place right now, so all I can say about it is BFN!

It's Official!

I just got home from work for the last time(from that job anyways).......I am officially Laid Off.

It's really a blessing in disguise cause now I will be off for the holiday's. And they gave me 2 weeks severance pay, so it's like I'm getting paid to be off for Christmas & New Years - BONUS!!! =)

I am going to miss it though. It was the first job I ever had that I loved & didn't dread going to every day. Hope I can find another one as good or better, but until then, I will be drawing me some unemployment benefits!!

1st to reply by email.....

.......gets a homemade gift from me!! Christmas is a time for giving & that is what I want to do! Since you who have survived and graduated from IF(so to speak). I would like to send you a little something for baby.



Okay, here are there rules:

~we had to have met through we.bmd
~you are currently preggo or you just had a baby or twins



--->All I need from you(if you are willing) is for you to tell me 2 things:

1.) Do you have a specific theme you are/will be using in the nursery and/or are there any certain colors you are using

2.) What is your mailing address, so I can send it you

Send me an email & I'll get started on your gift! And, yes, since I am making this gift it might take me a lil' bit of time to get it to you with all the craziness of the holidays approaching, but I will do my best!!

How do you know?

Kitty's blog got me to thinking............

How do you know what to do with your life when it does not work out the way you wanted, planned, or even hoped for?

When I was growing up, my brothers wanted to be electricians. They got started in the construction field, went through electrical apprentice classes, graduated, took the journeyman's test and Voila! They were electricians.

My sister, from as far back as I can remember, she has only wanted to be a nurse. When we were little, she always played nurse and made me be the patient. She went off to nursing school, graduated and Bam! She's a RN and has worked as a traveling nurse in PICU's across America.

And then there's me. All I have ever wanted was to be a mother, just like my own mom. Tell me, what school can I go to where I can achieve this goal in 4 years? There is no university out there where I can attend for a few years, take an exam and become pregnant.
I have no clue what I want to do with my life, if there are no kids in it. And worse, how do I even begin to think about a life without children when that is all I have ever wanted? How does one change a life goal and not feel like a complete failure?

I know the saying, "When life hands you lemons, make lemonade." BUT, my question is, What if I am all out of water?!?!

Tasty Tuesday!

My recipe this week is for Baked Summer Vegetables

2 yellow squash, sliced

2 zucchini, sliced

4-6 small red potatoes, halved

1/2 red onion, cut into 4 wedges

seasoned salt, garlic powder, pepper

4 tbs. margarine

Place all vegetables in a clear glass 9x13 pan. Thoroughly season all sides of veggies. Place margarine on top of veggies evenly. Cover with foil and cook for 45 mins - 1 hour @ 350 degrees.

ENJOY!

~AWARDS~ (!slacker!)

Thank-you Steph

Rules:1 Thank the person who nominated you for this award and write a little bit about why you love them. 2 Copy the logo and place it on your blog. 3 Link to the person who nominated you for this award. 4 Nominate no more than 17 people (why 17?) who you love or you think could use some love. 5 Write one word (you can only use a word once) about what you love about their blog. 6 You cannot nominate someone who has already been nominated-the love has to spread to all. 7 Post links to the 17 blogs you nominate. 8 Leave a comment on each of the blogs letting them know they’ve been nominated.

Thank-you E

The You're a Gem! award is for the special bloggers who take the time not only to read my posts, but also leave comments, respond to comments, form blog friendships with and support others, answer blogger questions, etc. . . . the ones who are "a real gem" in the bloggy world! The bloggy world wouldn't be the same without you! The only rule for this award is to accept it, display it proudly on your blog for all the bloggy world to see your greatness, and/or pass it on to other bloggers as you see fit. So, to the following bloggers I say, "you're a gem to me" and here is your award!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I know I am suppose to choose certain bloggies for these awards. But as I said in the title, I am a slacker and there is no way I can remember those who were already nominated! So instead, I want to nominate ALL of you who have never received a blog award!!!

I do want to say a big thanks to Steph & E for giving me these awards. I am very appreciative!

~Dot's Contest~

Dot(Sweet Pea) has a fantastic Giveaway going on right now. There is still time to enter. She is announcing the winner,

Dec. 14th!

If you are TTC & you like freebies, you have got to go over there & register to win!!

I did!

Good luck everyone!

Where have I been? / Bullets

Friday, I took off work to go to the oral surgeon. I had both my upper wisdom teeth cut out as well as a upper back molar that was abcessed. I was totally freaking out, thinking I would have 2 black eyes(cause I bruise super easy) and my face would swell up like a chipmunk! Instead though, I had no bruising(least nothing yet) and minimal swelling, Whew! I'm feeling a lot better. Still a lil' swollen and sore, still can't really eat anything that needs to be chewed unless I go about it ever so slowly.....and then it winds up taking 30 minutes to eat something that would normally only take 2 minutes, and its really not worth all of that! =^)

• I want to say a huge CONGRATULATIONS to Jayme!!! So proud of you girl, you graduated IF!!! How freakin' Awesome for you!!
• Thanks to you girls who signed-up for olp. If you want you can add me as a "foodie" and we can share recipes! My Foodie ID is Jenb_1 - You can easily check and see if anyone has requested you by clicking on the "Foodies" tab and looking under "Pending Requests".
• I am almost done with my Christmas shopping, just got those "hard to buy for" people left and I am all done! Does anyone else feel like you are forgetting someone - so you purchase random gifts "just in case"?!?! I find myself doing this EVERY year! You would think I could come up with some kinda system! =)
• AF is suppose to arrive 2 days before Christmas, not quite the present I hope(d) for.....She was 3 days late last month, what a rip-off! My luck she'll arrive Christmas Eve(cause that's when we have Christmas W/J's fam & ALL around me are the GAZILLION children), just in time to remind me that it's another mother-less Christmas for me. What a way to spend the holidays?!?
• That reminds me, The other day, I told my parents what my SIL had said to me last year when my uncle made a remark about me not having children yet. Obviously, I was upset and my SIL who KNOWS we are TTC says, "You need to build a bridge, and get OVER it!" Anyways, my mom just kind of nervously-laughed it off & dad just had this weird look on his face like he wasn't sure I was telling the truth or something. Oh, it pissed me off so much!!! It only took me a year to tell them, now I'm wishing I would have kept my mouth shut!! ;(
• Don't know if I told you about my job, but they are laying me off as soon as I catch up with all the filing. Last week they moved the last girl out of our office. Now everyone that got a new position(which was everyone BUT me) has moved to their new departments and I am left in there all by my lonesome! I never thought I would miss the mouse clicks & the typing noises coming from my surrounding cubicles, but I DO!! It is so lonely & quiet in there, and NOBODY comes in there.....I don't even have a window where I could possibly see another human being walking by!!!!

Online Pantry!

Hey Ladies! I got a site that you NEED to check out!!!! Even if you don't cook, chances are you know someone who does.....your husband, mom, sister a friend??

With this site you will know what's in your pantry, even when your not at home!!! Have you ever sat at your desk at work or been driving in your car and wondered, "What am I going to cook for dinner, tonight?""What's in my pantry?".......or have you ever had to make a couple trips to the store, because you didn't know you were out of something? Better yet, send the hubs to the store, while your cooking? If your nodding your head yes, to any of this, then you have got to check out my sister's new website, it launched today!! Please take a look, sign-up if you want and tell your friends!! Thanks.



Welcome to My Online Pantry



Ever been at the grocery store and wondered if you already had the $7 jar of Paprika in your pantry at home? Well now all you have to do is log in and see what you have at home. Log in from your office or even from your phone while you're at the store. Make a menu for the week and OLP will let you know what you still need to go buy. Don't know what to cook for dinner?? OLP will tell you what you can make with what you already have. Share recipes with friends, store your own recipes or use any of OLP's many recipes. You can even submit your recipe creations for other foodies to try and rate.....sign up for a free foodie account and see all that OLP has to offer!!



http://myonlinepantry.com

*Let me know what you think*