I ve been mulling this over in my head for a while now. And well, I finally thought I should ask you ladies what your opinon is on the subject. First-off, I don't mean to offend anyone in any way. I am just curious to see what your thoughts are on the topic?
I don't generally tell IRL people that I've had a miscarriage, but I genuinly feel that way from our failed attempt at IVF. I mean, it was 2 fertilized eggs in me, so I believe it was a m/c. And, the nurse told me that all the bleeding is basically one. Especially since I bled heavily for a couple days, then it stopped and then I had a regular period.
I have said that to a couple IRL people, who have never had IVF, but have had a Non-IVF miscarriage, and they always tell me, that that was not a m/c and I don't know what I'm talking about. A couple people, like my mom and 1 of my IRL friends say that that's the same as a Non-IVF m/c, but I was wondering what all you ladies thought?
So, what do you think?
I had honestly never thought about it. I can definitely see what you're saying though. A failed IVF cycle is definitely different from the failure of any other treatment. It's past conception, so it is life.
ReplyDeleteI'm someone who has had 2 m/c & am now dealing w/IF. I would not personally argue it with you if you said you had a m/c. I know the terminology is different, but I would think the feelings are the same.
(((HUGS)))
I agree with Steph.
ReplyDeletePeople shouldn't try to play down what you've been through.
I HAVE thought about it because I have had a failed IVF and a miscarriage on a Clomid cycle. I guess I've always thought of it that I miscarried one child (from my m/c at 7.5 weeks) and that I lost 2 other children from my failed IVF. I think that you will have similar emotions with each one but that they are a little different because in m/c the embryo has actually implanted and you have to go through the natural m/c or the D and C. That is not to downplay the loss of an IVF embryo because I felt the same amount of loss with each one, I just think they are defined differently. So I guess what I'm trying to say is that emotionally they are similar but medically/physically they are different. I hope that made sense. (((HUGS)))
ReplyDeleteI look at it as a m/c because the eggs were fertiized. Just because they took different journeys doesn't mean that they weren't real. This is why some people have such a hard time getting more than one egg fertilized. Religiously, some couples don't want to have more because they see it as losing a child if it doesn't stick. Does that make sense?
ReplyDeleteI think it is a little disheartening for a couple (especially friends) to actually tell you that your loss wasn't real, like theirs. You have every right to feel that way, Jen.
(((HUGS)))
I think you're definitely justified. You knew the embies were there, just as a pregnant lady knows. I'm sure the loss is great and compounded by everything you put into it - meds, time, energy, and money. The loss is not one to be diminished; you already loved those embies just as much as someone who's seen the two pink lines.
ReplyDeleteAnd frankly, people who haven't been through (or been close to someone who has been through) something as extensive as IVF have no idea what it entails, both medically AND emotionally. Diminishing your loss diminishes your entire IVF experience, and your IF.
Thanks Ladies!
ReplyDeleteI knew you would understand. :o))