Outnumbered

When I started blogging I assumed(yes, I know what happens when you
assume!) that I would be one of the ones (in our online community)who
got PG after awhile. And now, 2 +/- years later and still nothing.
AND, nothing even in sight.

I often find myself scrolling through the blogs thinking....pg, pg,
has kids, pg & has kids, pg, pg, has kids, pg, etc... I DON'T want to
be that way and so I stay away from blogging in case I say something
that reflects what my infertile mind is trying to force on me. Because
never in a million years would I want to say anything to hurt any of
you. I LOATHE IF and this constant battle of fighting for something I
have always wanted and feeling this ongoing pressure to be someone I
clearly don't want anything to do with.

I know I've been MIA a lot lately(sorry), but I don't know where I
"belong" anymore. I even had the talk with J about living a child-free
life. Not by choice at all, but we don't want IF to ruin our marriage
and I know at some point I have to become happy again. I'm tired of
being sad all the time, it's so freakin' exhausting. I guess what I am
trying to say is, NO, we haven't fully decided to live C.F., YES, we
are trying to be more happy and enjoy life and each other and things
that make us happy(i.e. camping). And hopefully in the future we will
get to do IVF again, but in the meantime we are going to take it day
by day.

Sent from my iPhone