Today

Okay, so I haven't been going to church as much as I should lately. I went today cause one of my SIL'S went w/me and I didn't have to be by myself (DH was asleep b/c he worked last night).
With not being able to get pg and my brother dying, I have been a little upset w/God. And its been hard for me to go to church. I feel like I can't catch a break. And well my dad is the pastor so I always hear about it from him, like at family things or when I go to mom & dad's house. I guess he told my mamaw that I was mad at God, b/c she came up to me after lunch today and starts telling me that she "heard" I was mad at God and that I don't need to be mad at Him and that I need Him in my life. She says this at lunch, in a restaurant with family and other church people there. She was kinda talking in my ear, but not as a whisper or anything so I hope no one heard her. She also said, that God has a baby in store for me, and I am going to be blessed with a baby. I love my mamaw and I know she means well, I only hopes she's right. I was just embaressed a bit in front of everyone, and then I started to cry, but I got it under control.

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In one of my earlier posts I mentioned something about filling the voids, so here's my theory:

Obviously, my void is not having a baby. I always tell DH that I'm filling the void, when I go shopping or buy stuff. The first time he didn't know what I was talking about, until I explained it to him. Its like this. If i had a baby I wouldn't be able to buy stuff for me as much, but I wouldn't want to either. I would so rather have a baby more than anything else, but until then we continue to buy toys, well, big people toys. For instance, in the almost 6 years we have been married, we have had:
1 motorcycle (sold this after my brother's accident, don't know if I can ride one now)
1 three-wheeler
3 travel trailers
4 boats (just bought the 4th one 2 days ago!!)
and over 2 dozen different cars and trucks, yes I said over 2 dozen. I can't even keep up w/how many any more.

Whenever I find out someone's PG or when AF arrives and I'm all depressed, then I go shopping or at least window shopping to try and fill the void. Though none of this stuff will ever fill it, I guess it makes me feel a little less bad about myself. So that's my theory on filling the voids in life. Is it me, or does anyone else feel this way?