Ick, Yuck, & Ick Again.........

I had to go shopping today for a dreaded, baby shower, present. ICK!! I just co-hosted a baby shower 2 weeks ago for one of my sisters and now here I am shopping for another sister's shower. YUCK!! I absolutely HATE shopping for other people's babies. I'm ready to shop for my own babies.

I found some adorable things, but I didn't buy those. They would've been something I would have bought for me, for my baby. And, as bad as it sounds, I couldn't buy something that I want so badly myself for someone else. It would drive me crazy every time I saw it, so I didn't get them. I walked away and found others, cute ones to buy instead.

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

The other ICK will be here next weekend, yep you guessed it, Mother's Day. ICK!! Another motherless year, and a day set aside to celebrate just what I'm not. What I want to be so badly, what I have unsuccessfully-tried to be for the last 5 years, but still what I am not, a mother. Oh, sure I grin and bear it for my mom's sake, but its probably my least favorite holiday. Its so hard for me to go to those mother-daughter banquets(at my mom's church) or sit through church where they acknowledge all the mothers by having them stand ever so proudly, while I stay seated trying to hold myself together, after all the day is not about me, now is it?

The mere thought of it has put a tightness in my chest, I just don't even want to think about it. Every year I tell myself maybe next year, but then another year goes by and I still don't have a baby and all I want to do is cry. I really do try to stay positive, but shopping for a baby shower present just puts me over the edge. I don't know how much more I can take. At least I don't have to endure the shower itself, thankfully, I will be on vacation. Sorry to be debbie downer, but I'm feeling really blue and depressed right now. I feel the tears starting to come so I better stop typing/thinking about it for now.