Inf.ert.ilit.y S.ni.gle.ts

Inferguilty - how you feel when you're having a bad day and you read someone's post announcing their pregnancy and you are overcome with the urge to kill them.

Reverse Pharmacology - taking Birth Control Pills in the month before your IVF.

Multiple Dwarf Syndrome - a state caused by the ups and downs of fertility treatments, characterized by describing oneself as some combination of grumpy, sleepy, dopey, bashful, etc; especially effective descriptor if you include what we like to call the "alternative dwarves," such as horny, bitchy, barfy, crampy, etc.

Snow White Complex - the mental state following your careful examination of white undies and panty liners for indications of mucus or menstrual flow; any hint of red on white or confusing mucus signs gives you the absolute right to take on any or all of the emotions in the Multiple Dwarf Syndrome

Preggozone - the magnetic area around all infertile women that draws expectant mothers into close viewing range; the first day of any cycle has the greatest magnetic field, closely followed by any day on which an infertile womans fails a pregnancy test.

Pregtember - name of the month you hope to be pregnant by.

Monthus offalus - taking a month off from baby-making sex, trying to remember what exactly "birth control" is, so you can be poked and prodded mercilessly with no hope of getting pregnant.

Feather-butting - the ungraceful act of a woman propping her butt up on FEATHER pillows after sex to improve the chances of conception.

Butt-proposition - the act of having one's butt up on pillows and trying to look graceful in that position.

Basal Instinct - an urge to shake down your basal thermometer BEFORE recording your temperature in a futile attempt to work up a sweat and boost up your temperature; usually strikes late in the menstrual cycle about the time your temperature would be naturally plummeting to indicate the on-set of your dreaded period.

Peetience - what you learn to aquire when starting to chart your basal body temperature.

Psycho-symptom-atic Syndrome - a psychosomatic condition afflicting women during the two-week waiting period; marked by a tendency to incorrectly attribute every bodily twinge and twitch to the early stages of pregnancy.