I'd like to publicly recognize my subconscious & thank her for pulling me through, yet again! What am I referring to, you may ask? Why the inevitable bomb of a PG'cy announcement of course. Two of my sisters{technically SIL & her sis, but I consider them both sisters} came over the other night. They had come from the botanical gardens after taking some bridal photos, etc. I'll get into that more on the busy week update. Let me just cut to the chase, they had been over for close to a hour when SIL's sis, I'll call her M went to the rr. M came back in the kitchen and had this look on her face & I kinda thought something was up. Then she said, "I gotta tel" and before she could get the whole sentence out, I knew it. M is PG......She finishes with "tell you something." I said ok, but already knew what was coming. She goes on to say that she is almost 16 wks along and how she has been afraid to tell me cause she didn't want to hurt me cause she knows this is something that I want so badly for myself. I realized my facial expression was not that of a congratulatory one & could hear my subconscious telling me to smile and look happy. So I did and in that moment I could see a rush of relief wash over M. Then my dear subconscious reminded me to ask questions, which I did. "When are you due?" "Boy or girl?" etc, etc. I told M how happy I am for her and that I wasn't mad at her at all{honest truth} and that I loved her. I got through the rest of the evening until they left, but that night and the next day I found myself getting quite upset about it. Not upset with M, I truly am happy for her! What upsets me is the fact that it comes so easily to some and those "some" are not even TTC. Oddly enough, I found myself asking the question, "Why not one of my blog-girls?" I wasn't even thinking "why not me?" I just wanted to know why it couldn't be one of you ladies?? In all honesty, I sorta feel bad for M....she is with this guy that is all wrong for her and IMO doesn't deserve her. I even think she knows this herself, but now she is having his kid so I'm sure it makes it even harder. I talked to my sister{actual blood sister} the next day and she said how M had told her that she was so worried that I would pull away from her and that we wouldn't be as close if she told me. M couldn't stand the thought that her news might hurt me so badly that I would not want to be around her anymore. That could never happen. I love M and I told her that. I know I have grown a lot over the last eight years, when I can honestly say that I am happy for her! And even though it is something I want for myself, that doesn't mean I cannot be happy for others. I think it is all in the way it is presented{PG announcements, that is}. The fact that M was worried sick over how I would take the news, shows me that she really cares for me and that is not something I can ignore. The thing that upsets me the most about all of it is that she is now considering moving back home{way up north} to be closer to her mom. I don't want her to go, but in my heart I think she's already made up her mind. I don't think the father will go with if she goes, but sadly that might be the only way for M to make a clean break.
I had myself a good pity-party and now I am back on the happy train! Talked to SIL and found out she likes animals{monkeys, lions, tigers} so I'm off to make her a hooded towel for baby!! I'll fill you in on my busy week tomorrow.....cause I'm sure you are all on the edge of your seats. Ha!!
